Nothing but friends.

That's what he thought it was all the time. Because you were different, you were not like the girls who he had dated.

“I didn’t say anything stupid, did I?” You asked the next day. Waking up in Chanyeol’s apartment wasn’t really a big deal. After all, you lived a little bit far away and he didn’t know the password of your apartment. You always refused to tell him about it.

“No, you didn’t.”

It was the best to pretend nothing happen. No matter how much it bothered him and no matter how his heart always skipped a frequent beat whenever he made an eye contact with you, Chanyeol wanted to forget about it. He wished that you would not remember your confession. He couldn’t reject you, and he couldn’t date you either. He didn’t want to lose you.

“Are you sure? Why are you avoiding my eye contact?” You smirked, as you approached him playfully. “Huh? Huh?” You tried to make him look at you as he looked away, clearly avoiding you. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just tired. Carrying you around. Don’t ever get drunk again.”

Don’t get drunk and forget what you say ever again. He wanted to say.  He was disappointed that you didn’t remember. He was relieved that you didn’t remember.

“I drink as much as I want.” You cooed, smiling from ear to ear. “Breakfast. I am hungry. Can you prepare something for me?”

Chanyeol gave in. He looked at you finally, before giving you a small smile, and nodded. He looked tired, stressed as if the world has crumbled all over his head and he didn’t know how to survive. But he was going to pretend that nothing happened, he needed to continue to act as if everything is okay. As if his heart wasn’t skipping beats whenever he met her eyes. As if he wasn’t imagining that kiss again, and again, and again, and again in his head.

Shaking his head, to prevent any more of his thoughts that was killing him, he cleared his throat and looked away. “Wash up. I will make breakfast.”

“Awesome. That’s why you are my best friend.” You cheered, before running to the bathroom.

Chanyeol sank into the bed. His heart was going to explode. He couldn’t think of you that way. He promised himself that you were the only girl who he wouldn’t touch, the only girl who he wanted to protect. You were the girl he was willing to keep by his side. But he couldn’t be with you. He couldn’t fall in love with you. He couldn’t, even though he already had been in love with you since that day back in high school days.

The world was really crumbling all over his head.

And the only girl he swore not to date was the girl who owned his heart.

Nothing happened. He kept telling himself. We are still the same as before. Friends.

~~

Knees weak, you fell on the floor, back pressed against the bathroom door.

What had you done?

You shouldn’t have drunk alcohol the other day. It always made you acting weird and do stuff that you always remember, always regret.

Taking a deep breath, you couldn’t help but notice how tight your chest here. Chanyeol just said that nothing happened. You kissed him, but he said nothing happened. How was it nothing to him when your heart was about to explode from nervousness?

“Of course it meant nothing to him.” You whispered to yourself, as you stood up and looked at the mirror. You look a mess. Your hair was everywhere, your eyes had bags underneath them. Dark and black bags. Your eyebrows were messy too.

“Of course, who would look at you in this state?” You snapped at your reflection angrily, as you opened the tape and splashed your face with some fresh water. Your heart beats wouldn’t stop squeezing in an uncomfortable way. There was a heavy feeling in your stomach and chest that made you want to scream.

“It is your fault.” You said to yourself. “You are weak, Y/N. You are so weak. He will never see you that way. He is your friend.”

Plus, he already kissed a tone of the girls so yours was probably just one of them. It was better to keep pretending that you didn’t remember anything.

After washing up, you open the door of the bathroom to find Chanyeol standing in front of it. His hand awkwardly hung in the air, in a knocking position. Did you take a long time in the bathroom?

“Sorry, I took a long time.” You said, as you slid out of the bathroom and you felt him following you to the kitchen.

The breakfast was already on the table, some fruits, toast, butter, and jam. You took a seat as you reached for a toast and the jar of jam and started to smear some of the jam on your toast. The atmosphere was silent, awkward until you looked up at Chanyeol and smile.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“Nothing.” You shrugged. It was weird how you always fall in love with him. You knew him too well. You knew about all his relationships, you knew about his right and wrongdoings, you knew how bad he thought about girls, yet… yet you fell in love with him every time you are with him.

“Y/N… I will be busy for a few weeks. So don’t call me.”

Blinking, you dropped down your sandwich. He wasn’t busy. You knew his schedule so well. He probably was acting this way because of what you had said the other day. But hearing these words coming out of his mouth, somehow hurt. Don’t call me. He was always the one who called you first, even on his busiest day, he always called you first.

“Fine.” You nodded, grabbing the sandwich again and get a huge bite into your mouth, trying to muffing the feeling of crying down.

That was his way of pushing you away.

And you hated so much that you said stupid things while being drunk.

You never wished for your friendship to end this way.

~~

It had been two weeks, and you never called him like he asked you. It was the first time that the both of you did not keep in contact for a long time. Scrolling through your photos on the phone, you passed through pictures from his first concert and the first drink together, also the first time you went on a trip with each other.

All people thought you would end up together, except for him. He always put bricks between the two of you until there was a wall that you couldn’t break and you hated its existence. Now you felt that this wall had become stronger and thicker.

“Today is the end of the two weeks.” You said to yourself as you started to write him a text. “Hello, friend.”

You gulped before pressing send.

One minute passed. Two, three and then four and you started to regret the decision of writing to him first.

Pitting on your lower lips, you could hear your heart racing and the clock clicking on the wall. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. It didn’t matter how long you stare at your phone. Something told you he wasn’t going to reply.

You couldn’t help it, but wonder why?

Kakao

You jumped, surprised at the notification sound of your text app as you opened the screen and read “Meet me today at 6. Let’s sort this out.”

Sort this out. You frowned at the sentence. What did he mean by sort this out? What is this he was talking about? Your teeth found your lower lips as you looked at the screen for a few seconds, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

Was he going to tell you about the accident when you were drunk?

You gasped for a breath as the blood pressure increased by the thought of Chanyeol rejecting you. You held your shirt near your heart. It was rising and rising. Beat after a beat. Faster and faster. Just a sentence from him aft