Review for Theangelvampire  // By: Michiusa

Title and Story Link:

A Heart Turned Cold  (Completed, reviewed with 5 chapters)

Title: (8/10)

The title is unique and it expresses the story literally. From the beginning to the end you knew the main lead's heart was going to turn cold.. I actually thought it was more of Woohyun or Sunggyu just having a lack of interest in the other but it turned out it was neither. It was definitely great with the little twist at the end. I can definitely see why you didn't choose to name the story A Heart Turned to Stone. I took two points off because the title isn't as interesting as it is fitting to the story.

Overall appearance: (7/10)

The overall layout of your story was good, you kept it simple and it was easy to read. It would have made your story better if you had a poster and a background. Even if it's just a picture of the four seasons. And if you used a picture of winter in the backgroun, it could act as a subtle hint of when his heart turned cold.

If you don't provide a poster, it might help if you attached a picture of the two main leads that way for people like me who has never read a Infinite story before can easily identify what they look like.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Your description was a very cool idea, putting it  into a poem format. Although we don't know why Woohyun's heart turned cold I feel it's revealing quite a bit of your plot. You know they are going to be together and then they're going to break up. A simple description would have worked, maybe something like. As seasons come and go, so does our feelings. Sunggyu was everything to Woohyun but winter came, his heart turned cold. In your description there were a few mistakes that needed to be fixed.

-I was only the one out of millions standing by the sidelines, I loved him but knew that he would never love me. But one day, he approached me, He said he love me and I was so happy. I thought I was dreaming, When he hold my hands. I thought I was flying, When he kissed my lips. I knew that he was everything to me, And hopes that he thinks the same way of me too. But when winter comes, The time which is the coldest, My heart turned cold.

(I was only a one out of millions of people standing by the sidelines, I loved him but knew that he would never love me back. But one day, he approached me, He said he loved me and I was so happy. I thought I was dreaming, When he held my hands. I thought I was flying, When he kissed my lips. I knew that he was my everything, And hoped that he thought the same way about me. But when winter came, The time which is the coldest, My heart turned cold. )

Plot: (12/20)

Overall the plot wasn't original with Woohyun falling in love with Sunggyu, then being dumped. Although, I didn't actually expect Woohyun to harm himself and leave this world. As you mentioned in your own review for yourself the first chapter is cliche but a cliche isn't necessarily a bad thing, it all depends on what we do with it. Rather than just saying Woohyun saw Sunggyu and his heart started pounding, describe more of why he fell in love, maybe like an envy kind of love. The difference between Sunggyu and Woohyun, could be what made Woohyun love him more. Sunggyu was everything that Woohyun wasn't. Or was the love at first sight just because of Sunggyu's looks? If it was then you should certainly go into more detail of how Woohyun loves Sunggyu not just because of his looks otherwise I find it hard to believe that a man would just kill himself over something so shallow as loving his looks. Overall the lack of details made it hard for me to sympathsize with Woohyun.

An idea that could help you make this story more original is after Woohyun found out about Minhyuk, he encouraged Sunggyu to seek Minhyuk out because Woohyun can obviously seen Sunggyu is still scared by Minhyuk and wants to help him move on. You could also go into more detail of how the seasons are associated with Wooyoung's feelings, I felt it wasn't quite clear other than as a way of expressing time passing.

I like the fact you included Sunggyu's thoughts at the end and how it tormented him to the point where he could no longer be with Minhyuk. This is the part that helped make your story very realistic. And I also thought it was a better choice to have Sunggyu confess to Woohyun because that just shows that Sunggyu on some degree did have feelings for Wooyoung and it wasn't just a one sided love.

Language: (14/20)

Overall I understood what you wanted to express in your sentence. But there were a few common mistakes that I found through out the story one of them being verb tense. Remember every verb you use should be in past tense, most of which you can just tag a -ed to the end of the verb. Another is the wording of a sentence. This is a little hard to explain, there is no particular rule to how you should write. The only thing I can suggest is find a writer you really like as you read her story, note how she writes her sentences