Review for aisssh // By: chaniel

Title and Story Link:

A Surprise: Scary or Lovely? (Completed - Two Shot)

Title: (8/10)

There's something about the title that's not right. It doesn't really get my attention because it doesn't sound original. It somehow fits the story, but there's nothing outstanding about it that makes you want to click on it and see what is it about. It's not a memorable title either, question titles don't tend to be, unless it's really deep or emotional. Else, it doesn't really work.

I really can't think of any ideas for a different title right now, but if I come up with one, I promise I'll let you know.

Overall appearance: (8/10)

I really like the poster, L looks really good. However, I don't like the big words on the description. It's distracting and it doesn't really look good with the rest, and also they are on many different colors than don't quite match. However, it doesn't exactly look bad.

Also, on the last chapter, there's a small paragraph that has a slightly smaller font, you should fix that. (It starts on "I turn around and face, "Holy cow! Another freaking ghost?!" I slapped my hands over my eyes, trying to deny the fact, hoping that the next time I look, I'll be alone at home...")

And you should choose one or two fonts to use and stick with those, because there's one font on the description, then another one with the credits, then another one on the foreword, and another one on the story itself. Everything looks more neat and nice when the fonts and colors match.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Aganin, the big words on the description are really distracting and it looks messy. I'd rather move what you used on the foreword to the description, and maybe write those few sentences that say "Why in the sane world, does the cheery, calm and composed girl everyone love scream her head off? She was surprised, yes. But was she frightened? Moved? Excited? Find out by reading on!" on the foreword.

The small extracts that you chose to put on the foreword are good, they do get the reader's attention, but again, I think you should use them on the description because when I read "Holly cow!" I just don't feel as interested in the story as if I read first the extracts you chose.

Plot: (15/20)

The plot, I'm sorry, It's a little messy. Chapter one's a dream, and then Chapter two isn't, but it's a little confusing because I really don't understand what's the point of the dream. Or if chapter one wasn't a dream, then you should explain it a little better so that it's not confusing.

Also, the plot is not as intriguing or interesting to make it a two-shot. I'd rather have it all together in one chapter so it's even easier to read and follow. There's nothing quite original about the story but I like the little hangover part because yes, I know what it's like and I can totally believe that she'd be freaked out and without memories if she drank that much.

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