Review for bomi-_ // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

I Me My Mine  (Completed, reviewed with 29 chapters)

Title: (18/20)

The title almost scored perfect score! I just had a tiny issue with it, or maybe it's just me because I kept thinking the story is I My Me Mine instead of I Me My Mine and it's all because of 4 minute! Other than the slight confusion with the getting the title correctly, the title is perfect for the story. It have a strong relevance to the story plot, strong connection, related at every part of the story, original, unique and extremely memorable! I also really liked how everyone and you use 'immm' as a short term, I thought it was really cute. I think you've come up with a great title, it's just so perfect for the story.

Overall Appearance: (2/5)

For overall appearance, I love the poster and the background picture! The background picture suits the theme of the story and wasn't too distractive and that poster, one look and it screams fluff so I think both very well done. 

The font and size of the words used was good as well. It's comfortable to read and I don't have to strain my eyes, moreover you stick with only one colour which helps a lot to make the readers feel at ease when reading. 

I did deduct one mark because of the overused in spacing in both the chapters and also in foreword and description. 

The description and foreword definitely made me feel rather annoyed. It completely spoil that whole perfect image and appearance of the page/story and there's so much blank space in the description. The first paragraph was alright, not much spacing done but what's after the first paragraph of the description is the main point. There's just too much spacing in between after one sentence. I understand if you want it to look that way but I would just recommend 1-2 blank lines instead of 18(!!) blank line/space.

The foreword was also the same - too much spacing/blank lines.

However, back with talking about the chapters in the story. I really admired how you took the time and effort to "decorate" the chapter. For example, in the first chapter, added a picture, the correct quote/link to write at the top in bold which is also the title of the chapter (he rejected me) and the beginning was excellent as well! (1. Smile 2. Wave 3.Greet 4. Smile again) 

Description and Foreword: (18/20)

The description and foreword of the story was well-written! It sparks a lot of attention and interst to it, you just can't help but feel drawn to click on the story and read it! The description was a lot more focused on the summary of the story and the first paragraph of the description was good but I couldn't help but feel that it could be better phrased with punctuation. 

From: 

In which Lu Han is a popular model who is desperate for Sehun's love, Sehun rather eats glass than be his boyfriend, Kyungsoo tries to start a new life, Kai doesn't let him, Kris has to end his relationship with Tao, Tao wants to kick him in his balls, Baekhyun thinks he can better sing than Lu Han and Chanyeol agrees with whatever Baekhyun says. 

To: 

In which Lu Han is a popular model who is desperate for Sehun's love but Sehun would rather eats glass than be his boyfriend. Kyungsoo tries to start a new life but Kai doesn't let him. Kris has to end his relationship with Tao but Tao wants to kick him in his balls. Baekhyun thinks he can sing better​ than Lu Han and Chanyeol agrees with whatever Baekhyun says.

It's pretty much almost the same except there's full stop/period and transition words such as 'but' in the paragraph. I really liked the description, it's very well-planned and as mentioned, very eye-catching and interesting! I also really like the second part of the description of the exchanged conversations between Luhan and Sehun. Just that I would looked a lot better if they're on the same aligning. Now it's right - left - center, I think it's better with Right- left or all right or all left, and lesser spacing in between each lines.

The foreword is as good, it's more about showing readers a sneak peek of the story by revealing one of the except from the story but I would just hope that there's lesser blank spaces in between. Especially in between the foreword and the foreword content. The Pairing, Genre and Length that was placed at the end of the description can be places together at the end of the foreword, together with the credits and author's note.

Plot: (26/30)

The focused plot here is about the story of hunhan together where Luhan is a star and he likes Sehun but his feelings wasn't return. In other words, it's a typical story of one-sided love but actually I beg to differ. The way you had developed the plot from a typical and overused plot made it original and unique. I think that is what all authors should do. You can always pick out a overused plot or clinché plots and made it original! I think you did a great job on that, the way you slowly developed their relationship together. And Luhan's one-of-a-kind character kind of scored a lot in making the story even more original. 

The only sub-plot that I felt wasn't convincing enough was Kaisoo. The reasoning behind the main reason why they broke up wasn't convincing enough, I just feel that 'huh' for their part. Even though after reading the reasoning why Jongin said those words to Kyungsoo, it still didn't feel it's worthy of them being apart. You know what I mean here? I mean, if Kyungsoo was beaten up or robbed or something at least a injury in resulting when Jongin didn't save him would make a lot more sense but Kyungsoo was completely fine. Yes, maybe partly because those words hurt Kyungsoo but they're just words. If their love for each other was as deep, I would like the reason that caused them to broke up to be more serious and more reasonable. 

Moreover, you have so many conflicts to choose from in the story that the plot constantly thickens and stays interesting. Just when I thought that everything was solved once Sehun return Luhan's feeling, there's a lot of other conflicts and problem that demands constant interst and attention ; making the story never boring for readers. 

Last but not least, the ending conclusion. When I realized that the next chapter that I'll be reading will be the last chapter of the story, I was so hesitant and afraid to move forward. That feeling that you know that the end is coming is just so unpleasant, especially when I've grown to love the story. I kind of knew what the ending will be that they'll be saperated in the airport as Luhan have to leave Korea. I knew I was going to hate that but instead I felt at ease when I finished that last chapter. It's just the perfect subtle amount of fluff and you couldn't wrapped up the story any better than you did. I just felt completely contented with the ending.

All in all, I think I just said enough. I really like you developed the story and it's a enjoyable and exciting story plot. 

Originality: (20/20)

I've got to give this to you for originality, never was I so excited to write a review before! Your story was just so good and I can almost not believe that it's your first story in ff! You did such a splendid job that I was so absorbed in the story to read on till the very end. Trust me when I said I was busy because I didn't even manage to put the shop's status as available but your story was so fun and enjoyable to read. The originality of the story is in every part of the story. Everything that didn't sound original is actually original. For example, Luhan's a star who wants Sehun but Sehun doesn't want Luhan back. The originality in the un-originality is how Sehun reacts to Luhan in the beginning and how it changes overtime. To add more originality, the way you've written the story was just so good. Moreover, I've read a hundreds of stories of unwanted or one-sided love but yours was different. I believe the reason why I felt that it's so original and different from the others was strongly because of how you developed the characters in the story. 

One of the few best original part of the story was the hidden angst in the story despite fluff being the main genre, Chen, Luhan's character, Sehun's character, everyone relationship with each other and how you chose to go with the story. You didn't try to hard with complicated or have a complex story with too many problems etc but you stick to making unoriginal plot ideas (such as one-sided love) into an original plot.

There's just so much to talk about but so little words to express all of the amazing thing you did with the story but all in all, I think it's one of the most enjoyable, fun, frustrating (in a good way), exciting and original story I've ever story in ff.

Language: (15/20)

For language, I remember seeing you wrote a note in the f/d page about you purposely making the story indecent because you're lazy so I believe you didn't proofread most of the chapters because actually I find most of the mistakes an error since you have a good language base (your grammar, tenses are all good). Still, my job as a reviewer comes in here and I've picked up one whole chapter 1's mistakes/error and a small part of chapter 2 to show you some of them. However, I do agree that most/all of the things that I've listed below are quite redundant and insignificant, especially about paraphrasing.

Chapter 1:

Regardless from day or night time. He always had to  look twenty four seven perfectly presentable.

(Regardless of day or night, he always had to look perfectly presentably 24/7.)

>I guess 24/7 would be much easier to read compared with it being all spelled out.

Fortunately he already got used to the overly exhausting routine. But that was the price he had to pay for fame.

(Fortunately, for him, he had already gotten used to the overly exhausting routine. But that was the simple price he had to pay for fame.)

His manager had then the fantastic idea to let the Chinese fly over to Korea to supposedly let him finis