Review for 21chicoB // Reviewed by: caffeine_kiss

Title and Story link:  

Bom is Coming (On-going, reviewed with 12 chapters)

Title: (7/10)

Unfortunately, this title did not really do the trick to interest me to click and read the story. I think that the title itself is pretty much boring and it lacks the kind of spark that makes people want to read it. The only thing that it kind of tells me is that Bom is coming and that is it. However, it is a unique and original title but it just does not show much relevance about the plot or anything.

Overall Appearance: (9/10)

The overall apperarance was pretty neat the chapters and skip from scene to scene was divided carefully too. A job well done for the font size and colour. I think it suited the story pretty well.

Other than that, I find that the poster is a little too overwhelming. There's too much going on in the poster and that the background of it makes it much confusing. It would be good if the background was much simpler so that the title woulf be able to stand out more than the background. Lastly, it would be good if there was a simple background to match the story.

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

The description and foreword gave away too much information on what was going to happen in the plot. It was really too long as well. The description and foreword section is for you to be able to catch one's attention into reading more. By having such a long foreword, some readers may not like it and move on without continuing on with the story as they know approximately what would happen. If possible, I hope you would be able to cut some parts out of the foreword section.

Mistakes spotted:

Firstly, before I point out any of the mistakes, I'm am not too sure about what tense you intend to use since you tend to jump around past and present. If possible, do switch everything to past tense as it would be much easier to write in. 

There they are, strutting themselves down the hallway gaining awe and compliments from everyone around them. Everyone has their flaws but their flaw is unrecognisable when they're together. Every girl has tried their best to join the group but they failed because the group prefers to remain as a four female member. However, this story isn't about them as a whole, it's only about a person in the group and she is.. BOM!

(There they were, strutting down the hallway gaining compliments from everyone around them. Everyone has their flaws but they are flawless. Every girl has tried their best to join the group but they failed because the group prefered to remain with four female members. However, this story isn't about them as a whole, instead, it's only about a member in the group and she is.. BOM!)

CL packed her thing into her bag and stood up from her seat, She said her goodbyes to her friends and slowly made her way towards her boyfriend that had lasted for almost a year.

(CL packed her things into her bag and stood up from her seat. She said her goodbyes to her friends and slowly made her way towards her boyfriend whom she was with for almost a year.)

Plot: (15/20)

I understand that this is kind of a love-triagle plot and you tried your best to add more scenes into it but I honestly found it cliche and a little too unrealistic and despite stating the description that the story would only be about Bom, you had lots of solo scenes with CL, Dara and Minzy. Also, I felt that throughout the story you should have more scenes with Seunghyun and his clique so that the readers would have an equal understanding on how each party thinks.

Firstly, in the foreword section (which I take as part of the plot), makes it seem like Bom is desperate to get another boyfriend and when she see's Seunghyun, she likes him the moment she sees him. This is unrealistic in the sense that the only two reasons why she was interested in him is because she needed a boyfriend and because he was handsome and gentelmanly. 

Secondly, in the first chapter, you said that Bom would not dare to approach Seunghyun first as she has a low self-esteem, but all of a sudden she is willing to do so in chapter 2. It made me wonder what made her have a change in heart within such a short period of time. It would be good to write about more about what the character is thinking. Their emotions, thoughts and feelings...

Lastly, I am not exactly sure in chapter six why Seunghyun said Bom was being careless. A migrain can just come whenever you least expect it thus, it do not really think it was Bom's carelessness that cause the migrain to happen.

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