Review for DobuOnew // By: nanaji

Title and Story Link:

Strong Claws (Completed, reviewed with 8 chapters)

Title: (8/10)

I really like the title. Though, I am confused as to what it refers. I figured it has something to do with Na Na, her strong will of holding on to Kyungsoo which explains the use of claws since Kyungsoo is a werewolf but it was unclear to me. Nevertheless, I find it really interesting and intriguing.

Overall appearance: (7/10)

The poster for your story is really pretty. It gave out a mysterious and angsty vibe very well and it really caught my eyes. I had wondered what kind of relationship did Kyungsoo have with the girl. As for your font choice and size, I had no problem with it. Your story was easy to read and it didn't look messy.

Description and Foreword: (5/10)

The fact that you had placed this:

Title: Strong Claws

Gender: Sad; Angst; Romance; Fantasy;  

Created: 31/07/2013

Finished: 30/08/2013

Length: 13 656 words; 23 and 3/4 A4 pages.

on the description kind of killed the vibe, you should've placed it in the foreword instead of the description or even after you had wrote the prologue because honestly, to me, it really was a turn off. However, your prologue had reeled me back in. It screamed angst and mystery and fantasy which made me curious. I wondered what did it all meant and what did the story have in store for me. You also placed characters in the description which I find needless. It is better if you had simply explained the characters in the story instead of writing it in the description so that the readers won't find it dull or come up with their own assumptions of the story and eventually not reading it. I skipped your foreword since it didn't have anything about the story except that you stated what was your inspiration.

Plot: (14/20)

Okay, so, the plot of EXO being wolves are really mainstream thanks to their comeback and there are a lot of stories that revolves on them being wolves and a girl is at stake or whatever so honestly it's a bore when the whole idea goes viral. You could've created a plot twist by making the girl forgetting Kyungsoo and instead chose Sehun or imprinted her feelings for Kyungsoo to Sehun or whatever since the whole idea was pretty much predictable. However I was content in reading since it is angst and I just can't help myself being an angst lover I am.

Language: (15/20)

I don't see any heavy errors just perhaps your use of tenses which was a jumble of both past and present tense and thoughts of the persona are better italicized.

Chapter 1:

She was always willing to help her friends and family as well as strangers that needed a helper hand. [...] She always took care of her grandmother as her mother couldn’t, since she worked until late.

Correction: She was always willing to help her friends and family as well as strangers that needed a helping hand. [...] She was the one who took care of her grandmother due to her mother working long hours.

It was the first day of school and Na Na was happy to finally going to meet her friends again. During the holidays she hadn’t got to see her friends much, since they all lived quite far from each other. She took the bus that was only available for school service and after a ride of half an hour, she finally reached the school.

Correction: It was the first day of school and Na Na was happy to finally meet her friends again. During the holidays she hadn’t been able to meet her friends much since they all lived quite far from each other. She rode the bus that was available only for school services and after a half an hour ride, she finally reached the school.

It was as if her heart was telling her that she should be friend with him.

Correction: It was as if her heart told her that she should befriend him.

She was sat in the large enough window sill of her room as she gazed the blank view.<