Review for aisssh // By: infiniteLC

Title and Story Link:

Title: (7/10)

I feel that the title of the story was catchy and unique, it isn't too clinché and it gives off a mysterious feel to the story. The title caught my attention and it attracts readers. It's good that the title didn't reveal or spoil the story plot but I didn't see any connection between the title and the story. I'll reward points for a unique and catchy title!

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

There wasn't a poster but there's background picture and I really appreciate the fact that you didn't use overly dramatic or distractive background picture but I feel that the background picture was slightly plain. The foreword/description page was slightly disorganize and messy with the constants change of right and left side. Try to write one whole part on the left-hand side and later credits on the left to keep it looking organized.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

I feel that the description written revealed too much content for a one-shot story. The whole story was summarize into the description and it didn't retain that air or mystery unlike the title. However, I had to say that foreword made me interested in the story, it sounded speical and unique to read.

Plot: (15/20) 

The plot was alright, it's a simple story of how two people who thought they're extremely different but find their similarities at the end. There isn't any huge complication to keep the story interesting. The first part of the story didn't make quite sense, in fact it's confusing. Is this before they got to know each other or after? The time line wasn't specific or clear throughout the story, for example, for long later did the next scene happen? The plot was too simple and it's more towards summarizing their relationship together instead of writing a story of them. It felt rather rushed throughout the story and it might be better if there's dynamic in the story. For example, start from the beginning about how they hate each other(?) and slowly develop the story. You could also add more intimate scene between the main character to make the story more realistic and relatable. The reason why they both hated each other was also unclear. On the side note, I like how that even though they like each other, they didn't date but instead they became really close friends. That, I can say that there's a unique twist to add for the story.

Language: (10/20)

It's going to be the language that will bring your score down. As much as I like the way you write, I have to say that some of your sentences were a little bit too long. You had too many commas also your past tense and future tense were all in the wrong place. Each time I read a sentence, I had to slow down in order for me to understand what you were getting to. Oh, and you have too many 'ANDs' that it's kind of frustrating for me. In addition, there's a few sentences that doesn't seem to make a lot of sense.

Here is what I mean: Confusing sentence

Your Sentence: "And Jongin, or like he had to remind himself, Kai, kept on nagging about the gay outfit and makeups."

What you should have put: "And Jongin, or what he like to call himself; Kai, kept nagging about the gay outfit and makeup he had on."

-I believe that Jongin didn't have to use Kai, I'm sure he likes his stage name. You don't really need the 'On' word, it makes the sentence a little off. And you had to add the ending that I used in order to let t