Review for florkyumin

 

Title and Story Link:

Clueless (Completed one-shot)

 

Title:

I did like the title and what good connection the title had with the story plot but it's a very common title. It's use often and it might be hard to find your story in aff. Overall, it's a simple and memorable title.

 

Overall Appearance:

I couldn't really judge much because you didn't have a poster, background picture or a layout. The picture use as a poster was simple and it has the main characters in the picture but I would recommend to get a poster. You could also add a simple background picture if you would like to have the page look less plain.

 

 

Description and Foreword:

I was pretty confuse by the page because I feel that it will be a lot better if you would to switch the description content with the foreword content. Firstly, if you would to switch both of them up, people could actually get a peek of your story with a real description. Now if I would to see through the story, the small peek of the story's description is "Hello everyone!...'' because I think you came up with a great description/excerpt of the story, you could definitely switch. Secondly, most of the time, author's notes and credits should be place in the foreword. 

I think the excerpt that you've chosen from the story was a great choice. I was interested in the story right away! The way you italic the words 'he's hot' gives off a great touch to the sentence. Good!

 

Plot:

I believe there's a lot of similar plot like this story but you still manage to keep it ordinal by having a boyXboy pairing. I would definitely be turn off by the story with the lack of originality because it's a typical girl/boy falling for the opposite and the new kid is school is getting tutored but you still manage to keep the story interesting and original. However, the plot about tutoring someone was a overuse storyline and I would have like it better if it was different. For example, being in the same sports team or staying as neighbors etc.   I really love the part where this story is completely realistic! With the bullies and how they seem to pick on Neil just because he's different made the story extremely realistic. It didn't feel fake at all. Great job, glad that you manage to write in about the bullies and how Jonghyun stood up for Neil.