Review for lulabyangel // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Three Wishes (Completed, one-shot)

Title: (7/10)

The title... yes. Suit the story? Yes. Does the story's title relate and connect to the title well? Yes. It's actually a pretty simple and straight forward title you chose but I don't think it's the best for the story. I tried searching the story title into the search bar and your story was found on the 6th story so it means that a lot of other stories have similar or exactly the same title as yours. If you would to add an adjective to the title to make it more personal and original, it would have been better. Probably, Her Three Wishes or Three possible wishes or something like that to make it stand out more! 'Three Wishes' is too broad and used often so it's not advisable. In terms of the connection between the story and title, it's good and strong. So, I'll try to stick to 'Three Wishes' but add in a special word to make it original and to make the story stand out more than the rest of 'Three Wishes' story.

Overall Appearance: (9/10)

The only reason why I can't give you full marks is because sometimes you tend to put a lot of empty lines/spaces in the story and it made the story look too empty. For example, in the description where there's just too many empty spaces used in between the one sentences to the next sentence. Other than that, I think you did a brilliant job in the overall appearance and presentation of the story. The background picture gives off a dark and angst feel, the picture of Sehun looked suitable to the story and especially the foreword of the story! The foreword of the story was done perfectly, the character chart was done neatly and in an organized manner! Great job!

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

The description wasn't as good as the plot idea itself so I feel that there's a lot more to edit for the description to make it much better and less confusing for readers.

Firstly, there's too much spaces in between each sentence in the description, it gives off an airy and empty feeling. Try limiting the amount of empty spaces to only 1-2 lines instead of 3-4 empty lines.

Secondly, it's pretty confusing at first because you didn't specific who's talking in the conversation. I think it's better to use the full sentences instead of just part of a sentence in the story to make it less confusing. For example, “So, (your name is) Oh Sehun?” (She asked after reading off my full name from my name tag.)

What I liked about the description is that you actually focused the story's main point in the description correctly. I would be horrified to read that the description is about suicidal or something when it should actually about the 'Three Wishes' so good job on that part!

The character chart in the foreword isn't actually necessary but I really liked how you decided to organize the foreword neatly. The colours used was suitable and subtle and it looks great!

Plot: (18/20)

I completed love this story's plot! Especially that ending! I would've expected you to end the story boringly with them jumping down and dying together, even though it's angsty and sounded romantic, I preferred the ending you chose to go with 10 million times more! It's so much more meaningful and memorable, I can't seems to stop reading those few paragraph of the lines to absorbed the ending well. It's been a long time since I last feel this satisfied and completed in love with an author's choice of ending so kudos to you!

The story's main plot revolves around the girl Sehun met, moments before he jumped to die and she decided to have three wishes granted. At first, I find that plot extremely cliché and overused, there's tons of similar stories like that but what made yours so different was the wonderful ending, the special characterization and how the three wishes changed Sehun's perspective forever. It's amazing how the three wishes could changed a dying man's perspective to become to positive and shuts down his thought about dying. I believe every wishes you planned was done perfectly and carefully. With the cute students learning about Maths making him smile to him volunteering in a hospital and became shameful to even wanted to die at the first place.

Moreover, I really like how the story plot is focus on Sehun's life and struggle instead of about the romance blooming between them. It's a bit of both and you balanced it really well!

I also love the part where you leave a lot of amiguiaty to make the readers make up the third wish! I believe it's about wanting Sehun to save her or make her live? Either way, I love that part and it leaves a lot to the readers so it's fun and interactive!

Language: (17/20)

For language, I think you're a great writer. You're definetely an angst writer because you write a lot of emotions right and it managed to stirred reader's emotion but I would recommend to write longer sentences even though it might be a lot more work in return. If you write longer and fuller sentences, chances is you'll write more to be able to moved reader's emotions with your words. Use more comma instead of period and use other connectors words such as 'but', 'and' and 'in addition' and use