Review for yasmin94 // By: Michiusa

Title and Story Link: 

Lies (Completed one-shot)

Title: (8/10)

The title was direct, just by reading the title you get an idea of what the story is about.

Overall Appearance: (7/10)

There wasn't a poster made other than the picture which contains the main leads in the story but it's not that fitting with the angst genre. It would have worked better if you had darker colors, ones with them not smiling. And since it is mostly a angst genre I don't think the flowers fit in with your stories concept.

I think your a/n: might work better at the bottom of the foreword.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Your description was great. It described exactly what's going to happen without giving to much away. I am a little confused by your prologue. Technically it's not called a prologue. If you just loose the word prologue it might work better.

I knew what you wanted to express with his eyes are 60% ocean and 40% drowning but it's a little confusing to read. Since you're talking about Baekhyun's eyes it sounds like Baekhyun is drowning in his own eyes and I wasn't quite sure about the drowning.

Plot: (18/20) 

Your plot was great and original. I knew exactly how Baekhyun felt from your description. When you described how Chanyeol was always sleeping, I had first assumed that Chanyeol was in a deep coma but you mentioned the couch then Chanyeol's eyes fluttering. You totally had me guessing of Chanyeol's state.

I felt you could've gone into a little more depth with Chanyeol. Like why didn't he call Baekhyun back? Isn't he the least sorry?

Language: (18/20)

Your language flowed nicely, there were hardly any mistakes, you could probably get rid of them if you had another go at them. :)

Verb tense:

-He downs the last of the contents of the bottle and throws it across the room, causing it to disintegrated into a million fragments of glass as it makes contact with the white walls, falling in a scattered mess on the tiled ground.

(He downs the last of the contents of the bottle and throws it across the room, causing it to disintegrate into a million fragments of glass as it makes contact with the white walls, falling in a scattered mess on the tiled ground.)

-He wonders what had been running through the younger's mind when he'd let the lips that had only been on Baekhyun's before touch ones belonging to someone else. 

(He wonders what had been running through the younger's mind when he'd let the lips that had only been on Baekhyun's before touching ones belonging to someone else. )

-The fact that they often got on each other's nerves resulting in endless bickering and arguments due to the stress from work, and financial problems, had created a fault in their relationship.

(The fact that they often got on each other's nerves resulting in endless bickering and argum