Review for viparmybaby // By: IdaliaSHR

Title and Story Link:

Clueless and Trapped (Ongoing with 8 chapters)

Title: (6/10)

I honestly think that your title is a little too long and heavy. It sounds more like a chapter title rather than the title of a story. A story title should be short, sweet, and catchy. It should retain in your mind once you say it. Kinda like Twilight, Reboot, Anterograde Tomorrow, Harry Potter, Arbitrage, or something like those. Clueless and Trapped just feels heavy in the mouth. Maybe you could cut back and just retain ‘Clueless’ or try a different angle entirely. The story really doesn’t emphasize on her cluelessness so I thought that having a different crack at it would help. I didn’t see the “trapped” aspect of the story yet, but maybe it’s because it is just starting.

Overall Appearance: (7/10)

It is very neat and very clean, good job! I really like the cool tones that you used. It isn’t used much on the romance kind of theme, though. Romance stories usually aim more for the warmer tones, but if you focus more on the back-stories of the characters then it is okay for the cool tones. The poster is simple and clean. It doesn’t have that much wow factor and the romcom feel to it. Romcom posters have more life to them and, sometimes, a handful of colors. It just didn’t fit the theme. It looks more like it’s for angst or something. Their expressions also don’t help at all. They don’t give off the happy or comedic feel. The poster also doesn’t give hints on what the story is about or where it’s going to go since it’s just the pictures of the characters looking off into the distance. Your poster is supposed to sell the story!

There’s a problem with size in your story. Everything else except the poster is a bit too small. The pictures in your description are so small that I had to squint really hard and lean in to my screen to see. The font size for everything else isn’t working. I can read it fine, but it was a headache to read, especially the description. You need to resize everything, kiddo.

Description & Foreword: (6/10)

The description could be rephrased or reworded so that it would sound more intriguing. Right now, it’s a bit flat. You can try a different angle for the description to make it seem more interesting like a description of how Ahji woke up in the hotel room before leading to seeing Daehyun. You need something to hook your readers and make them want to click the ‘next’ button. The ending of the description really didn’t sell the idea, or maybe it’s because it really didn’t fit with the color of the font, background, and poster. It just seems out of place.

The credits and the character chart should be moved to the foreword section. By the way, I think that you should take down the character chart. The information there doesn’t help with the story. The information there for Go Ahji is redundant with the description and the information about BAP is already obvious. Character charts are a bit tricky. You need to be able to sell the characters without letting out too much information. That’s how it should be. Don’t use character charts unless you can see it. Ugh, I sound like an entrepreneur, sorry.

Plot: (12/20)

It was almost a cliché plot. I was really thinking that it was the cliché girl sleeps with guy, she gets pregnant, and then the guy is forced to marry her. You got me with that one. But as I was reading, I couldn’t help but think that there was no clear path where this was going. So she sleeps with Daehyun, and then what? What happens after that? What binds these two together? Where is this going? It’s good to anchor it down to an angle where they have something that connects them. A theme, if you will. A secret? A mysterious past? Something? It might sound cliché, but having something that really connects the two together and keeps them together would help with a smooth story. It needs a common denominator. It got boring very easily because there wasn’t anything interesting going on or something to keep us coming back. The plot still isn’t clear.

I have a problem with how you portray events. There doesn’t seem to be much suspense or mystery with the way you write. Everything is sort of handed down on a silver platter. It already comes out in the narration before they even reveal anything.