Review for samlovesbaek // Reviewed by: AishyNaty

Title and Story link:  

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now (Ongoing, reviewed with 8 chapters )

Title: (19/20)

To start off, your title is original (despite that it’s a song title) and attention grabbing. It gives the story an angsty feeling and relates really well. I like how it can encorporate both Aki and her situation with her husband. Aki being completely miserable since his death and the heaven part referencing him watching her from afar, as in ‘he knows she’s miserable’. The only thing that doesn’t exactly relate is the fact that Aki is slowly coping and becoming happier. The story is not finished yet so I wont look so much into that. The title doesn’t seem too long or too short; it’s quite catchy.

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

Your appearance is a bit blank and monotone but it works very well! I enjoy the simplicity of the foreword and the text with the bolded first letters in every chapter. As for the poster, I thought it was absolutely lovely. It’s not common for people to use posters like yours. Because of this it might go one of two ways: it will attract readers or it will not. (But that might happen to any story, right?) Besides that, it captures the escense of the story right on point and gives references like the daisies and the lightning. There are no problems with your choice of font or the size and everything is perfectly organized. For paragraphing though, there were a few things that could have been better together like for example:

"Suicide was out of her list, killing herself never once cross her mind. Sure, the problems would go away but she would go away too and that was increasingly stupid. 

Hurt herself? No, that was out as well. She didn’t like pain. 

Run away to the country and live as a normal girl? She wished, but she could be mistaken as an absolutely damaged soul, destined to live the rest of her life in a mental hospital. 

Everything was out of her list, and she didn’t know how to take the pain away or how to escape it." 

>I think these paragraphs should go together since it’s essentially a thought sequence.​

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Description and Foreword: (19/20)

Your description is short and sweet. I think it has enough context to get the reader engaged. You give the details needed to get an idea of what the story is about despite how short it is. Nonetheless, at first glance it seems like your typical-clichéd angst story. The girl lost someone she loves and the guy swoops up to save her. What actually caught my attention was the quote about flowers (I saw the poster had flowers so it intrigued me). Other than that your description is well written and it’s capable to capture the reader’s interest.

Plot: (25/30)

I’m not usually one to read angst stories, and like I mentioned earlier, at first glance it seemed like another from the lot. But I was really surprised when I started reading. You take this generally common plot and give it it’s own distinction. The way that it’s written and the way you present things is really good and kept me hooked to the story.

I loved how you started out with the therapy scene, already bringing us into Aki’s life. The rest of the story flows wonderfully. It feels as if you’re joining her on this journey of self recovery and romance. It presents things that are realistic to the point where you can just immerse and identify yourself.

Since the story is not finished yet I cannot say much, but so far it’s been great! You can see the effort and creativity you put into it. I hope it gets even better in the next chapters!

Originality: (19/20)

So the general idea of this fic is an overused one already, but it doesn’t mean that it can’t have potential to be something much more. The situations you present give light to a whole new and unique story line. The elements you use to lighten up (or just set the mood in general) make a nice addition. And I think that the story’s main appeal is how you take this plot and make it something different and enjoyable. Yes, it might have it’s cliché ‘of course that happens’ moments, but it’s part of the genre, and as long as they’re not all over the story it’s completely okay.

Language: (15/20)

Overall your language is okay. You had your normal errors like a few wrong tenses and some typos (most of them were at the beggining). Nothing too bad there. Your main problem though is your sentences. They seem very long and drag on a lot. This can be fixed by adding commas or just making diferent sentences. This was probably your second problem, punctuation (mostly commas because of the run-on sentences).

As a tip, try saying them out loud, you will most probably need to pause at some point. Let your speech guide you through the sentence and it’s flow. This usually works very well for me, especially when I’m proofreading. If you think you have too many pauses, try re-aranging or shortening them.

Here are some examples of corrections and improvements that need to be made from the first few chapters:

From chapter 1:

Original: It was less than three weeks since it happened and she thought her condition would improve, hoping the memories would go away but sadly, it continued to linger inside her head.

Correction: It has been less than three weeks since it happened. She thought her condition would improve, hoping the memories would go away. Sadly, it continued to linger inside her head.

Original: She was paler and her long dark brown hair was tied up in a messy bun and it looked very similar to a bird’s nest and it looked quite sad, to be frank.

Correction: She was paler and her long dark brown hair was tied up in a messy bun. It looked very similar to a bird’s nest and it looked quite sad, to be frank. 

Original: Min Young wore a smart looking dress with her white coat on and her hair was neatly tied up in a ponytail as she looked curiously at Aki. 

>Maybe change the way around. Mention how she looked at Aki first then describe her. ​ 

Original: It was raining miserably, it reminded her of her life: cold and miserable. 

Correction: It was raining miserably. It reminded her of her life: cold and miserable. 

Original: She thought if she could escape everything in a blink of an eye, A great escape of the seemingly deranged young widow."

Correction: She thought about escaping everything in the blink of an eye: 'The great escape of the seemingly deranged young widow.' >This sentence doesn’t make much sense. More so it wasn’t put together properly. ​ 

Original: "Why? And what do I do with a roommate for?"

Correction: "Why? And what do I do with a roommate?" or "Why? And why do I need a roommate for?"

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