Review for momodays09 // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Last Breath (Completed story with 4 chapters)

Title: (18/20)

The title is original and has a strong relationship to the story. It was memorable, easy to remember and catchy as well. Although, what I have to say is it might sound really cliche and boring from the title but actually the story was a enjoyable read! 'Last Breath' doesn't have a form of belonging to the story because there's tons of stories outside with similar idea. But overall wise, it's a great title, completely suits throughout the story well!

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

The poster looks amazing and the background picture wasn't distracting as it added a nice touch to the story. The font was rather plain but the I cannot not give you full marks because of the effort placed into the story's overall appearance! From the f/d to the story chapter, anyone could tell that you placed in a lot of effort into them. And the touch of a real letter form images into the chapters was so perfect and creative!

Description and Foreword: (15/20)

I have to admit that your description and foreword has accomplished the crucial need to attract attention and making it sound interesting. It draws me in and I was so excited to read it! I liked what you chose to add as the story's description because it's made me think as I read. About living, breathing and in the end, what matters isn't all those superficial stuffs you want to achieve. But it isn't a good idea to take the content of the story's d/f through the story's chapter, it isn't as magical and special because it feels repeated but it's nothing major. The description was rather awkwardly phrased somehow even though it's actually grammatically correct. I'll show the examples in the language section below. To sum it all up, it's a idea d/f but it's perfect since it was taken from the story. It would've perfect if you would to write the d/f completely based off from the story, just a short and sweet one sentence would've worked as well.

Plot: (24/30)

The plot of the story was actually well-planned. It was clear how you wanted the story to go from the beginning till the ending, it was organized and the plot flows smoothly. Although I felt that you started off the story too quick with the first chapter immediately with Saehee in the room, you managed to thicken and build the plot well.

The body of the story prepared the readers well about the upcoming of the story about Kris reading the letters and all. I thought the idea of the letters being in image form and the idea of giving the prized medals she won to Kris was plain original and impressive. It was definitely memorable and unique part of the story which I really liked reading and how at the end, the medals and letters made a huge impact in the story's ending. The conflict of the story was really clear and simple as well and it's all revolves around Saehee who's dying. All in all, I felt that the plot was really engaging even though most part was pretty predictable and also it was interesting to read about a story of a dying character. You get to see a glimpse of their life... it made you think and be grateful to just be able to live and breathe. I couldn't imagine a runner not running, a writer not writing, a swimmer not swimming and more... Also what I felt was really original was the fact that you made Kris a real idol. Stories these days about fans x idol can get me to feel really frustrated because a idol should be an idol. In the story, you made limitations to his action until he had to escaped with Xiumin and Luhan at the end. I thought you kept a good reality check on the story in making it believable! Great job!

For the last part, I knew Kris was going to see Saehee but I was so darn curious if he can get there on time before she die and he did. My heart was just in pure bliss happiness and I died at the part at how Kris said she's beautiful. Instead of it feeling superficial or fake, it felt real that he meant his words. Saehee was beautiful. And all the regrets in me getting poured out when she passed but at least, she get to see Kris in person before she does. I'm sure she's happy to go...

Originality: (12/20)

As mentioned in plot, it was rather predictable and the most part of the story was cliche. BUT I have to reward you marks for the originality in using medals and letters (in image from to made it even more real). I loved the idea of her being a free runner before she was sick. The drastic differences in her mobility really get to me. The main idea of the story was pretty mainstream - down with a sickness, dying fangirl and a kind and devoted idol who make a difference in her life. I was expecting Kris to come and look for her before she passed and I was also hoping for a huge plot twist somewhere in the story to disrupt the mainstream storyline. 

Language: (14/20)

For language, there isn't much to write on because you obviously have a clear understanding of grammar and language related. Most of the sentences were perfect in terms of grammar but some of them can be 1. awkwardly phrase 2. confusing or 3. isn't consistent. Below are some of the examples but what I want to point out is that you can try reading out loud the sentences and they might sound better if phrased differently. 

Below are some examples I've picked from chapter 1-3 and you must be wondering 'what about chapter 4'? I'm sorry I completely skipped chapter 4, I was too immersed into the story plot. It was the of the story and my heart was beating so fast and I just wanted to know what'll happen! 

Chapter 1:

-With one arm on top of her forehead, she laid there a bit as she recollected her thoughts. 

> I tried to visualize this action but I just couldn't... It sounded weird and an unusual action to do after leaning against a chair.

-Her eyes rested at the sleeping figure; her little sister lied on her right s