Review for BABY_ZELO15 // Reviewed by: chaniel

Title and Story link:  

Acrimony (On going, reviewed with 5 chapters)

Title: (8/10)

I like the title but it's kinda hard to understand what does it mean until you read your description, especially since not everyone here have english as a first language (like myself) and might've never heard that word before. However, it can catch the reader's attention. Also, it suits the story as your characters have that "bitter and sharp" personality, so it's good.

Overall Appearance: (9/10)

I checked your story before and you had a different poster. I liked the other one and I like this one, only that on this one the colors are lighter and it doesn't really suit the story's mood. The black and red one suited better for me, but this one's still good. It's also good that you kept the same font in all chapters, and I like the fonts and colors you used on the description/foreword section.

Description and Foreword: (9/10)

Ok, like I mentioned before, I like the fact that you explain what Acrimony means so it triggers people's interest. I like the small description about the character's personality as well. However, I do not like the Main Characters' section. It's ok if you want to describe them a little before the story begins, but I feel those "quotes" are a little random, especially hers.

Plot: (12/20)

Your plot, I gotta say, it's not exactly original. I like however the fact that she's also "mean" and not only the boy. Yet still the way they meet and the way things happen has some sort of unreal sense to it that doesn't quite appeal to the readers. But there's nothing about  the main plot yet. Just things that happen but I feel we haven't gotten to the main "center", as if I still don't get where this will go.

I get the feeling that you just have an "idea" about the story as a way to start it, and then you write as you image where you wanna take it.

However, as an advice, I think before you write a story you should think about everything. Main characters, family charts, plot, how your characters are going to meet, and what's going to be the main "setup, conflict, resolution" about the story. So far, it feels like it's just a too-long set-up, an introduction into Ahri's life since on every chapter we find out something new. That she has a grandfather that died, about her siblings, about her ex boyfriend (that I don't understand, did he die?)

Also, you set it in South Korea, where the "legal age" is 19 (or 20 in korean years), so the fact that she turns 18 and calls herself an adult doesn't make sense.

So far, there's nothing really happening in the plot, there's no conflict yet. Ahri and Myungsoo just meet by chance and stuff happens, but there's nothing that has happened yet that would give the readers that need to go into the next chapter, if you know what I mean.

I would advice you that you do something in the story that allows the plot to blossom because, so far, there's nothing that links each chapter together, or links the charactes' lives together.

I get that's only chapter 5 so that's why I'm giving you a higher score since I know there's still time to develop the story considering it's fairly new.

Language: (18/20)

There weren't many mistakes or typos, mostly I found them in the last chapters which I guess you uploaded maybe in a hurry or didn't have time to proof read them. However, even though your grammar's good, there's something about your writing style that's a litte too descriptive yet at the same time you could use more emotions in your descriptions.