Review for princessamy // Reviewed by: chaniel

Title and Story link:  

World and Trust (Complete)

Title: (8/10)

I like the title because it can be related to the theme of the story, but at first when I just read it, it kind of made me think of companies and as in "corporate trusts". Maybe it was just me, but the title was a little confusing that way. However, it's not bad once you read the story because it relates to it.

Overall Appearance: (9/10)

I love your poster and background. They suit the story's mood and the colors are just perfect to go with it. However, the only thing I didn't like (and the reason why of the point missing) is because of the description/foreword section. I like it but I don't think there was a need to have the link to the other story and the poster in the foreword, especially because it kinda disturbs the mood.

As an advice, I would leave the link of the story and the poster in the chapter itself at the bottom, leaving a few spaces in between.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

Like I said, the story link and the poster are a little distracting, and to be honest people would most likely just go to the link and don't even bother to read the short one shot you have, and that's a shame.

Also, I like the sort of prose poem you wrote as description.

To make it neat, I would just leave that as a description, and then on the foreword I would just use the "This is a real life story based on my friend’s best friend experience." to get the reader's attention. Then, after your little one shot I would leave the link and the poster to the story if you want, but there's no need to leave the character description chart since there's not a real description of the characters in your one shot.

Plot: (10/20)

The plot was ok. There's really not that much to judge because it's rather short, and the fact that it's supposed to be based on a real event takes off some of the "imagination" you needed to write it. However, it was delivered well and the story itself it's somehow touching and interesting, only that for a one shot it's not developed enough and if it was a little shorter it might as well've been just the story's description.

Language: (13/20)

There weren't that many typos or grammar errors per se, but there are a few mistakes with the tenses and the way you phrased a few sentences that make me think that maybe english isn't your first language, right?

Here are some mistakes I found:

"(...) because of her personalities that