Review for florkyumin // By:  caffeine_kiss

Title and Story Link:

Two Worlds Collide (Ongoing, Reviewed with 10 chapters)

Title: (7/10)

For the title, I think it’s quite a common title. Also since your story is about the 6 of them meeting, you could change it to ‘Our worlds collide” instead so that readers will not be confused between your title, tags and main storyline.

Overall appearance: (8/10)

There’s nothing much to comment on the appearance although I think it would be better if you picked a lighter background as it is a little distracting. I do hope your poster would be great too! :)

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

I like the unique way that you used the characters to describe little bits of the plots, but I think you could have done it separately so that readers would be able to understand slightly more of the plot and story line. Also, 'Sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know,Or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go.'  I don't really get how it links to the plot so do remember to incorporate it in your up coming chapters.

Mistakes spotted:

“Chanhee is 20… who was basically forced to follow a path…”

Chanhee is 20… who is basically forced to follow a path…

*Since everything is in present tense then ‘is’ should be used since he still is forced.

“Byunghun is also 20, but, unlike Chanhee, is happy with how things are.”

Byunghun is also 20, but unlike Chanhee, he is happy with how things are.

Plot: (18/20) 

The plot I must say I really unique, you have a very different idea of how you bring the members together, this is the first time I’m reading a story with such a plot. It is really interesting but, I felt that at some points, the story was a little too rushed.

I think you could have at least elaborated more on how they first met as in my opinion the whole bar/party scene was really too rushed and was quite messy as you kept skipping for one place. Thus in your following chapters do take note on how you plan your story so that it would not be too messy and thus would be easier to read. 

Language: (16/20)

The language was good overall, but do take note on how you phrase your sentences.

Chapter 1:

He had just found out himself, too. Being a singer had not been his "entire's life dream", like many people would think.

(He himself had just found out too, that being a singer has not been