Review for XiuMini & conchobar // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Silent Melody (Ongoing, reviewed with 6 chapters)

Title: (20/20)

Silent Melody wasn't only perfect but it's also extremely original, catchy, simple but yet so ideal! I think the best element of the the title is that it's suits the story so well that I couldn't see another title that would be better than itself. It's also the main highlight and main plot idea of the story and it refers to Jongdae's silent melody and the more I read the title, the more flawless and beautiful it is. Moreover, it gives off a melodrama and angst feels. Perfect!

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

I cannot not give you full score for it's overall appearance. One look, even from the f/d, it's so pretty, clean and organize. From the f/d, which is organized beautifully well and organized in such a clean manner. To the chaptered overall appearance of the quotes in the beginning and the layout which gives off an angst and dark feeling while reading. The quotes in the story are all relatable and amazing, some of my favorites are the Harukami and John Steinbeck one which are also authors of books I read!The poster, don't even start, it's so pretty! Although, I have to add that the size for the chapters font can get pretty small but I guessed enlarging it would spoil the whole image the story is going forward to.

Description and Foreword: (16/20)

The description content was a bit to my disappointment now that I've read all 6 chapters of the story. You've set the bar real high for the story plot and beautiful and moving writing style but the description fall short. Overall wise, the description kind off gives off a bit too much that while reading the story, I know that Jongdae loves singing that he fights for it because he bargained with him parents for it, and also from the description, we know that he's going to lose his voice. So it feels that the surprise and ending of the story was kind of a give away. Or at least the chapters so far are kind of summarized all in the description which made it not as exciting to read without much knowledge. The first two paragraph of the story was wonderful and good (the one about introducing about Jongdae not being able to sing anymore) but after that, the scene about Jongdae begging with his parents was slightly off topic to be places as a description. 

However, I have to admit that it reels in readers from the description but I think it'll have the same effect if you would to keep some parts vague. For example, you can write about how the most important thing in his life might be taken away. This way, readers would be determined to read the story till the end with them being excited about the unsure ending of the story. The first paragraph of the description was exactly what I meant in the example but maybe try to twist it to be slightly vague.

Otherwise, again, the appearance of the story's d/f is extremely pretty ide. Even the Writer's words corner and crediting and Jongdae icons are all just flawless.

Plot: (25/30)

I love how the story revolves a tragedy happening to someone but it's much more with the addition that it's something that because it's happening to Jongdae, the main vocalist of a band, someone who loves to sing more than anything in his life. It made the story so much more dramatic and emotional that way. It's even more for me because I know Jongdae really liked singing and moreover he's bless with that gift to reach those high notes. The building of the story was admirable and it leads up to the of the story well. I love the introduction of the story with the members around him and all taking it lightly mistaking it as a flu and also about the lip-sycing part. It pains me that he have to lip-syc and get critize by people for it when he's sick. It also brings a lot of light in me about idol life and how fans can really get greedy and vicious without giving much consideration. With the Kris' incident earlier, this story made it even harder for me. It's as though everything about 11 members and performing and falling sick, it reminds me so strongly of Kris but with Jongdae in a similar state in the story. Coming back to the story, no doubt it's extremely interesting and engaging. You put into not just about Jongdae in the story but also about friendship among members, idol life, fans' inconsiderate action and much more. It builds layer to a story.

The only thing I want to point out is the focus of the story. The story's focus seems to be rather spread out and inconsistent at some point. To point out, one is at first it looks like the story was during the Mama period and them preparing for wolf comeback but through the later chapters, they're promoting wolf?... The timing was a bit hard to be absorbed in. It also refers to how the story is written, some thing a particular distraction takes about 5 long paragraphs in the story and I'm lost. For example, Jongdae in the surgery, baekhyun and band crying and arguing and being frustrated, and back to the surgery result only at the end of the story. You can try to remind readers once in a while the focus and timing of the story there. While in between Baekhyun and his train of thoughts, you can write in between about his coming back to worry about Jongdae etc. Also, during Baekhun's part, although it gives a unique insight to the story, it would be nice to add in more about his parents since you wrote about them opposing(?) in the description?

My favorite chapter so far has got to be chapter 6! So far, although there's some parts which I feel was a bit off, it's still interesting and I was always reading because I'm excited to know what's next but all along it's nothing surprising or isn't any good and original plot twist in the story. The only plot twist I can think of was the one about him recovering to the surgery only to be informed it's been rather unsuccessful and he can possible lose his voice forever. You should continue to add such pleasant and genuine plot twists to the story more, I'm sure it's more engaging this way. The scene about Jongdae and his manager in danger when fans start to swam around them was adrenaline rushing and awesome!

Originality: (18/20)

The originality of the story are mostly evoke by the way you had written the story! Other than that, I've actually read countless stories about a artistes unable to create due to their hands, dancers losing their legs, people going blind and so on but what made yours special and original is how you write the story with the original scenes I've mentioned in the 'Plot'. Another original and lovely thing in the story is how you wrote the story without . God, how long have it been since I've read a story about pure brotherhood friendship in exo instead of them liking each other or it being a story so THANK YOU! Last but not least, continue how you're writing, I'm dying to know what's Jongdae going to do by heading to SME. And try to work on more plot twists and surprising/original scenes into the story to make it unforgettable!

Language: (18/20)

Even just by reading one chapter, it's obvious that you guys put in a lot of effort in the story by making it as perfect and flawless as possible and it is! There was barely anything I want to correct because all of it are just as great as it is! There is something I'll to voice out though about extremely long sentences. The sentences can get really long in some of the paragraph, some almost as long as 5 lines. Try to break them down and make them into fuller yet perfect and short sentences (An example in writing style). Also, sometimes the conversations