Review for RaichuLove // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Take Me Apart, Throw Me Away (Completed, one-shot)

Title: (10/10)

In my opinion, I think the title you came up with was ideal and original. Despite the length of the title being a slightly too long and that it sounded slightly stragner with a transition word, the title actually worked. There's this undescriptable spark from the title and it completed suited the whole story. Moreover, the title was also capitalize correctly.

Since the whole story was focused on Kyungsoo wanting to be taken aprat and thrown away because of his one-sided affection towards Jongin so I feel that the title had a great and strong connection with the storyline, hence it's an ideal title to me.

Overall Appearance: (7/10)

Alright, for the overall appearance of the story, there's actually not much to write for this part but I'll talk about the other points other than poster and bakcgraound picture. Although I'll really recommend you to get one poster or at least a background picture to make the whole story looked more put together and also to help with the f/d page looking too empty. Firstly, I deducted marks because of the chapter title and the overall appearance of the chapter. I don't think '-----------' would be a good chapter title because there's so many cool and amazing things to write for the story, I think even by putting a simple and boring chapter title would still be a lot better than '--------'. You can even just grab some relating words used in the chapter for the title so it wouldn't be tough to have a chapter title. Another part is the organization of the chapter, it's a bit dull and there's too much spaces in between a paragraph or a new part. It made the story looked very little because of the spaces. You can just try to have one or max. two blank spaces in between? 

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

I think it's fair to say that you wanted to kept the whole part about Kyungsoo being a robot a secret all the way until readers read the first line of chapter 1? Well, there's good but also bad points about keeping the main content of the story away without a clue. Good because it's a one-shot so I feel that it's acceptable that you chose to kept most content in a secret and it would be a pleasant surprise to readers about knowing that it's a sci-fi/robot story. Bad because there's completely no clue about the story in the description/foreword, it can some as a sort-of-bad surprise but I'm completely in about keeping it a secret. The reason so was because, I was pleasantly surprise and even more interested on the story after the first line in chapter 1 so I'm glad you kept it a secret. I would, however, recommend to put sci-fi as a story tag. This way, you can attract many sci-fi enthusiast readers to your story!

The description was a simple and classy one. "Kyungsoo has loved but was never truly loved." It's a fitting description for a angst and secretive story and I actually really like it. When I opened the page to your story to review it, I read both the description and title at least fives times! I was so captivated and enthralled by it. It's such a simple one-lined description but it works in captivating and attracting reader's attention/ anyone's attention. It's good that you kept it short because it's a one-shot story to begin with and it's good to reveal only a small/no part in the description. If you would have to write a long- deep thought description for a one-shot, you'll probably summarize the story in the description and readers wouldn't enjoy the plot anymore because all surprises had been opened in the d/f page itself, why bother reading? So that part is great! 

One last small part, there's something I want to praise you about and that is about those bolded words before a new paragraph/part. I think it looks amazing that it's bolded out, it suits an angst story so much, helping with the setting of the mood in the story. Great point to add for the story!

Plot: (17/20)

Oh gosh, there's just so much to talk about the plot even though it's only a one-shot. I really liked most of the elements you added in the story: robots, one-sided love, angst ending, Taemin and everything else. I think you did a slight plot twist to the story because all the way from the beginning, I thought that it's just a one-sided love from Kyungsoo but at the end, you revealed that Jongin was actually affected that Kyungsoo is gone so it's not a one-sided love after all. (even though I slightly suspected that Jongin shared the same feeling) The ending did justice to a angst story because you ended it tragically and I really enjoyed reading the ending you chose to do. 

Taemin addition to the story simply just thickens the plot and it made the story so much more unique and special that the other stories about one-sided story/angst story. The addition definitely changed the whole story's game. It create this inevitable effect on the readers to feel even more sorry for Kyungsoo and it released this even bigger anger impact towards Jongin. I think by doing so, you actually successfully made readers unconsciously effected and captivate the reader's emotion and it's as though you've managed to pull us into the story! 

I really like most of the ideas you had in the story but there's also things I feel that you could better improve the story's plot. Firstly, I feel that the story lenght was really short. I was enjoying it and all when I realized that it's already ending. If it would have been longer, I would probably been really moved with the story but it's just a little short, making the story feel inadequate. Next, there's a lot of holes in the story because it's really a short story. I think the main thought that constantly stays in my mind throughout the story is, "Why do Jongin detests Kyungsoo so much?" Well, of course, I was curious and thus I read 'In This World, It's You Alone' to clear up my question(s) and it did. Kyungsoo cheated on him. That made Jongin hated Kyungsoo so much even though he love him and you even explained about the part whenever Jongin hurt/hit Kyungsoo, he apologized and regretted it all the time. 

I felt that if you would to actually joined both stories together, it would be a satisfying, more complete and also a more powerful story that can moved readers. It's because 'Tear Me Apart, Throw Me Away' helps to let readers see how their relationship is and made readers stand on Kyungsoo side while 'In This World, It's You Alone' is more on filling up holes in the story and stirring of reader's emotion to let them know that we shouldn't hate Jongin all that much...

All in all, I think you did a great job in with the story's plot and I really liked a lot of elements that you added to the story to make it special. The plot was actually so clear in my mind that I could almost remember every single part so vividly. 

Language: (17/20)

I think you know your basis grammar/language here so there isn't much to point out but instead there's some sentences that I would phrased it different to make it sound better and less confusing. (but feel free to not correct them all according)

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