Review for teenme14  // Reviewed by: michiusa

Title and Story link:  

Reminiscence (Completed, reviewed with 2 chapters)

Title: (15/20)

I've always liked one word titles. I find them short, sweet and to the point. It's revealing of the story yet it holds a certain mystery as to what the word really means in the story. And I liked the fact that you tied the title back into the story at the end. However the title isn't exactly unique, there are plenty of stories that share the same name. 

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I like the poster, it brings out the general idea of it being a romantic angst short story. I also enjoyed the fact that you didn't include the girl's picture leaving it up to the reader's imagination to decide what she looks like. 

The quote on your story feels awkwardly worded. It shouldn't be get on a crush, I think most people say have a crush. A better quote might be "It only took him a day to fall for her but it will take a lifetime to forget about her."

Description and Foreword: (15/20)

The prompt itself is enough of a summary for the readers to get a general idea of what's to happen. The prompt feels awkwardly worded but that's not really you're fault. 

I liked your foreword up to the point of propose... I think that was enough of an overview of what to expect in the story. Then there was the line of but what if he couldn't and then I felt the description was revealing too much. From the prompt, the readers already know there probably won't be a happy ending for the couple. Then when I read the the last sentence, my first thought was she's probably going to die. In my opinion taking out the sentence after propose would work great and leaves just as much of an impact. 

Plot: (24/30)

Overall I think it's a great idea of a boy falling in love a girl in matter of seconds but it'll take him a life time to get over her. And it's a very realistic matter. Forgetting someone certainly takes a lot more effort than falling in love. I liked the fact that you included dates to give the readers a general sense of time to make it flow better. And I'm glad you included scenes of how they first became a couple, it helped me get more of a sense of how they feel about each other. 

The plot of how she died was rather typical. Seems like it's always some kind of a sickness or accident that tragically takes a loved one away. Your ending however did catch me by surprise, I was expecting them to have a goodbye conversation before she dies. But I like it this way better. It's more sudden and makes us realize that you never know what's going to happen the next day. 

Originality: (13/20)

As interesting as the story was, I didn't feel it was very original. The idea of Hye Sun being imperfect was a wonderful idea and I wish you could have done more with it. Such as describing the difficulties of them communicating to each other and the frustration of not know what she's saying when she's signing because I doubt a normal person could automatically pick up on lip reading. 

Seems to me that a lot of people tries to make a story less angst by killing of the character rather than making them just break apart. Makes the reader feel better that at least the other person hasn't moved on? I think instead of killing her, if you just made her leave it would make this story more original.

Language: (18/20)

Overall, your grammar was good. And all of your sentences made sense with little grammar mistakes. Most of the corrections are more because the sentences seemed wordy and some because you have the wrong verb tense. Please keep in mind I only picked some examples. 

-With the roses in one hand, he walked out of his room and headed towards the wooden door where he wore his black shoes. 

With the roses in one hand, he walked out of his room and headed towards the wooden door where he put on his black shoes. 

-He opened the brown wooden door with a twist of the doorknob and went outside, heading towards the place where he could meet her.

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