Review for doublethetrouble // Reviewed by: cutehae

Title and Story link:  

Masquerade (Ongoing, Reviewed with 4 chapters)

Title: (5/10)

The title is way too common. There are so many titles with the word 'Masquerade' that even I am a bit surprised but just how unoriginal it actually is.

To be honest the word 'Masquerade' has always given me the feeling of something dark, utterly fake and mystery but I'm not sure that your story can be described as any of these. Well the fake part does have to do with the story, which is the double face of the characters, especially of Hyejung, but that's about it. 

I'm also not sure if this was the best title you could come up with. I understand the reason why you did put it though. The thing is that the characters all have their true self hidden behind masks and in this context the title fits perfectly but I think it could be changed to one much more better and that catches readers interest much more. 

Overall Appearance: (6/10)

There isn't a poster nor a background. I think that a poster at least would change the appearance of the story a lot and make it much more better. Also a background would look very good too for this type of story. 

Apart from that, everything else is in order. The font could be changed for another one to make it look better though, while the font size fits well. 

One last advice would be to align the text in the description, at least, to be on center since it would look much better. 

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Like I said before, the description could be aligned to be on center and change the font to make it look better to the eyes. Apart from that, everything else is good, there aren't any grammatical mistakes and I really loved how you used the whole acting vocabulary to describe the story. 

The meaning behind the description and foreword is really good because it helds so much meaning although it talks about something completely different. 

At first this looks like your typical story of the theatre actors' life behind the curtains. The way they change once they step out of the stage and the story you are writing is like this too, because the world they live in is the stage and that's where they act, but behind the curtains, behind the facade, they are much more complex. 

I have to say that you did a good job by the assimilation between those two worlds. 

Plot: (15/20)

Well, having in mind that the story has just started, I can't say much yet, but I will talk a bit about the chapters that you have so far. 

The first chapter is good and it introduces fairly well what the story will be about. The thing that has confused me and still does is the first sentence of the story. 

"The morning is just as typical as how it has always been, as if Lu Han haven't just arrived in Seoul at two in the morning."

I understand that the morning you are talking about is very typical for Luhan but what with the 'as if Lu Han haven't just arrived in Seoul at two in the morning'. Why did he arrive so late and from where? I really don't get it. 

The rest of the chapter is very well put and I didn't find any other confusing or out of place sentences. 

The second chapter is okay. It explains the relationship between Luhan and Hyejung and how it is basically beneficial for the two, or for their families, really. 

It also explains a bit about how they got to be together and how their families work a bit. 

The third chapter introduces Hyejung from her point of view and it's a nice change, since we can see things from a different perspective. I have to say that I'm already starting to think that the pace is a bit slow. The plot in itself seems to be much more complex and the fact that it took three chapters to go through one day is a bit disconcerning. The first three chapters could have been only one perfectly well. 

I understand that you want to explain things and introduce a bit the story but you can do that as the story goes on. Don't stop yourself to explain everything in the first chapters because it may make the readers get a bit bored. Introduce little things as you go on so that there are things that remain unknown and to form anticipation of what it's going to come to the readers. 

Fo example, I think that prolonguing Hana's and Xiumin relationship a bit more would have been excellent. And not giving so much about Hyejung's real personality would have been even better because there are some things that should stay hidden for a while so the readers interest grows. 

Don't give out so much from the begining, keep some things and reveal them slowly in the future chapters.

Language: (14/20)

Your language is not bad in general. I've seen small mistakes as the chapters go on though so I will point them out as the chapters goes on.

Chapter 1

Original: The morning is just as typical as how it has always been, as if Lu Han haven't just arrived in Seoul at two in the morning.

Correction: That morning is just as typical as how it has always been, as if Lu Han hasn't just arrived in Seoul at two in the morning.

I changed 'the' for 'that' because you are talking about that morning in special so 'that' fits better. Also it should be 'hasn't' because Luhan is 3rd person so 'haven't' is not correct.

Original: Not all the rumors are baseless, but he chooses to keep his mind focused on the work given to him since he believes that all that ugly comments are only an embodiment of his colleagues' jealousy.

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