Review for tyffah  // Reviewed by: michiusa

Title and Story link:  

The Way You Glance  (On-going, reviewed with 9 chapters)

Title: (5/10)

It's a cute title and it definitely screams a romantic story to me but it's not very original. I looked up your title and there are five other stories with the same title. Albeit, they were "The Way You Look at Me" but the concept is the same. And I think look would be more of an accurate word since glance feels more like you only look at a person for a second whereas look could be longer. Your title feels like it's incomplete, like an unfinished sentence, I'm not sure what the person you is glancing at. It could be a thing or a person. To make it complete add a at me so that the title is The Way You Glance at Me. Since you haven't finished the story yet, I've been unable to see the complete relation between the story and the title. 

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

I liked your poster but I wasn't sure how it associates from your story. So far the story have been more of a mix of angst, mystery and drama. I haven't been able to relate the rom-com feel that the poster has created.

The other poster you have is a much better fit for this story although the yellow part made it really hard to tell what it was.

And I wasn't quite sure why you italicized some of the letters. I found it more distracting rather than attractive.

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

Your second description was really good, it was broad and told enough of the story to draw more readers in. The first description was a little more revealing, it showed that Luhan is like a stalker and he met Chorong through a coffee spill. There were also some errors in the description. I would suggest changing it to something like this: Luhan had always wanted to fall in love, so much that he was willing to stalk his new neighbor constantly because he liked her a lot. How will this awkward boy start his long-awaited love story with a bubbly girl like her.

I didn't like the fact that you included a character introduction, it feels like a cheat sheet to the readers of what's going to happen and how they should view the characters. You shouldn't need a character introduction because I think you've done a great job of describing your characters without the intro. If you feel it's really necessary to provide something there or to fill the blank, you could include part of your story, a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to read more.

Plot: (14/20)

The first chapter Luhan creeped me out. With that being said I think you provided a really unique way for Luhan to fall for Chorong. But I wouldn't call this an original love story. There have been plenty of stories of a man falling in love with a woman and then has to catch her attention. The good thing is you still have plenty to go so that gives you plenty of more room to create twists.

And as you pointed out you strayed off from the plot by adding more of Chorong's tormented past. It feels like the story is more geared towards resolving Chorong's problems which doesn't relate back to the title.

Language: (15/20)

Overall you have the general idea of grammar down so that made the reading a lot easier to understand. I liked that you were very descriptive of each of the scenes. And you have a different way of expressing something that makes your writing unique however sometimes your sentence can be misleading as to what you meant so I would be careful of that. Overall I would look for mistakes of verb tense, wording and misspelling. Below I have provided examples that might help you note more of the errors.

Verb tense:

-He liked the idea of getting butterflies in bellies and what not, and he certainly would like his heart to be moved by such girl, but the thing is, when you're about to enter university and you still haven't got caught in a love game, how can the idea of marriage seem wonderful? 

(He liked the idea of getting butterflies in bellies and what not, and he certainly would like his heart to be moved by a girl, but the thing was, when you're about to enter college and you still haven't got caught in a love game, how can the idea of marriage seem wonderful? )

-The truth is, ever since the poor Jung couple lost their only son in a car plane crash last Christmas, things would never be the same, or normal.

(The truth was, ever since the poor Jung couple lost their only son in a car plane crash last Christmas, things have