Review for cerubim // Reviewed by taid_96

Title and Story link:  

Exonimous (Ongoing, reviewed with 22 chapters)

Title: (8/10)

I think that the title is not really the best title out there. The title doesn’t give a little taste of how the story is going to be, it just shows who is going to be in the story which is stating the obvious. ‘Exonimous’ had EXO in it. I might sound a little harsh, I’m sorry but I think a better title would do justice to an amazing the story of yours. Of course, the title might attract attention but it attracts based on the wrong aspect. You are not attracting attention through a creative and mysterious title but because of the fanbase. Since exo has a large fanbase, adding the word 'exo' in 'nimous' has given the credit to attract the attention. A few example of a title for a dark angsty theme for your story can be 'The Key Within' or 'Unlocked Fears'. It may sound a little cheesy but the reason why I chose those two title is because 'The Key Within' actually talks about the story a little. The 'Key' represents the finding of the 'chip' that you mentioned in the story but the 'key' also means the journey that the heroine in the story, Mina who paves her needs and wants to decide what she wants in the future because she seems lost now so she needs the key to guide her way back. As for 'Unlocked Fears', as mentioned at the start of the story, you can see how indesicive and scared Mina was to the new surrounding but you can tell how she evolves to a more daring person who although hides what she wants, she was more determined of what she needs and wants thus in a way, unlocks her self away from her fears, the new things that is happening and allowing herself to open to the new world. This is just my opinion though, I am sure you have a better title creation somewhere in your head because authors knows what best for their story. Hwaiting!

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

The poster is well done. It gives a mysterious feeling with an element of angst to it too. The poster also doesn’t have too many characters which is a good thing because we know that this story is going to either be about Kris or Suho. Maybe towards Kris more since he is the one who seems to be in the focus of the poster.

There is nothing much to be commented on paragraphing. It is already great that way. It doesn’t confuse readers and the split between two different scenes using the dots is a good idea.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

The description of the story is excellent! It lets the reader anticipate the story. If I were to find the story on my own, I would probably subscribe to it automatically because it seems interesting. I could tell there is going to be a lot of dramas in the story. I like the description a lot but I couldn’t give it a full point because there were some grammatical errors found in it which made me correct it on the spot. 

For example:

Original: “Suddenly Baekhyun realized what was just happened.” 

Correction: “Suddenly Baekhyun realized what had just happened.”

Original: “Tell Kai to bring me the girl immediately before M found her,” Suho turned around to face his inferiors in his ice cold voice contrary to his fiery gaze. 

Correction: “Tell Kai to bring me the girl immediately before M finds her,” Suho turned around to face his inferiors in his ice cold voice contrary to his fiery gaze.

Plot: (16/20)

This is definitely a unique plot! Of course, the gangster theme is great as I am a fan of gangster theme stories! I love how you made the story; it was full of inner obstacles and tension! I find myself rooting for almost both the lead male character, Kris and Suho. I like how you portray Suho and Kris so differently but yet with the same amount of desire for the female lead, Mina. I find myself reading some chapters over and over again because I love the plot within the chapters a lot. This is my first time reviewing an M rated fanfic and you gave me a wonderful first time. Does that make sense? The story is full of intense scenes, that won’t make a reader feels bored. I am sure to those who actually read the story, they would end up like me, not being able to decide on which person I would side with. The characters are written really well. I can see Suho as the strong one with quite a soft side that he actually shows to Mina often and Kris as the firm and bold one with no amount of nice or soft being shown to Mina.

I like the found in the story and how Mina has a hard time deciding and the inner obstacle she has within herself because she wants both desire and passion. I personally like the rising tension of the passion Kris keeps on displaying towards Mina, it makes me hate him more but also gave me a factor to actually want him to appear more in the story. The reason why he is so attracted to Mina because she has something that ‘M’ needs is somehow slowly moulding into something us like how he actually wants her instead. I really like how interesting the story gets the more you read it. I think readers would love the way you keep bringing up the distinct character of the two male leads and also readers would enjoy the challenges that they have to face which is choosing who deserves Mina. The story flows quite smoothly although a little fast; it was enough to keep readers attention. The Mina is really in a deep trouble after finding herself getting involved with both Kris and Suho because they are both a problem to her!

Oh and I have a little argument I want to make with you. In chapter 17, you stated how you were bad at writing . You must be crazy. I really enjoyed it and it was good. How was that bad? I could imagine those scenes in my head. *blushes*

Language: (15/20)

I like your writing style, it was simple a