Review for MarilynTheMushroom // Reviewed by: AutumnsConcierto

Title and Story link:  

Torn Love (Ongoing, reviewed with 15 chapters)

Title: (14/20)

The title really doesn't do it for me, it's somewhat boring and typical. Maybe it's because you haven't written that many chapters yet, but I'm not feeling the whole "Torn Love" idea in the story. The title doesn't seem to relate to the plot because of one major thing, what's the love that has been torn? Is it the "love" between Luhan and Haein? Haein and Chanyeol? 

Overall Appearance: (3.5/5)

The poster and background picture are pretty well-done, but a tad bit plain. I think that they may be a bit too angsty looking considering the story isn't supposed to be angst.

Description and Foreword: (14/20)

The description wasn't very eye-catching. It was very simple and wrapped up the main point of the story, but I do have a problem with it. You mention how everyone knew except for Luhan, but I don't see where in the story people know she likes him. And I don't notice the gossip going around school either. Practically everyone seems oblivious of her feelings towards Luhan except Chanyeol as evidenced when I read the story more. Haein also gave me a very unfavorable impression upon reading the description, but then again, she continues her selfish attitude throughout the rest of the story chapters so I'm not surprised. Also, there are no errors, but everything just seems to be worded oddly so I had to do a double-take reading the first two sentences.

The foreword is only an A/N, so no problems there.

Plot: (18/30)

With 15 chapters into the story, I still have no clue as what to make of the plot. It makes sense, as Haein basically seems to have a one-sided affection for Luhan. But then, she spirals off into a relationship with Chanyeol and she has been acting selfishly throughout all 15 chapters. I don't understand her thinking, especially even when her thoughts are explained. It's like she is about to realize her mistakes, but something happens and boom, Haein goes back to being her childish and petty self again. I have honestly never felt an ounce of pain for Haein's situation, nor have I empathized her. 

I feel like some things are missing from the story as well. How did Haein come to like Luhan? Because all we know is that she has likes him for a good number of years, we are not given an exact reason.  How did Chanyeol come to like Haein? Etc. A look into the past would have definitely helped with the understanding of the plot. 

Originality: (15/20)

The one-sided love type of story with a long-time best friends has long been overdone. Plus, there's that girl that randomly comes into the picture, and she just so happens to be old friends with the male as well... And then there's that other guy, Chanyeol, who pines after the girl who is hopelessly in love with the other dude. However, it's refreshing to see that Luhan so far hasn't seemed to reciprocate any feelings for Haein as opposed to the norm. Also, I have never seen a character as pitiful as Chanyeol in these types of stories. 

Language: (18/20)

You have very few spelling and grammar errors. But there still are things that I think you should know and correct throughout your chapters.

First things first, I notice that you use '       ' when having the characters speak with dialogue. It should be "     ". (Oh silly me, in latter chapters you don't have this mistake though...)

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