Review for exoticbabylove // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Average Girl's POV (Completed, drabble story.)

Title:

There's nothing much about the title because it's straight forward. I really like the part of the title - 'Average Girl' but not so much of the 'pov' part. It's better advisable to have abbreviation in the story title itself, you can either spell it out or just replace 'point of view' with another shorter word that have the same meaning as 'pov'. Otherwise, it's a simple and ideal title for a drabble story. It's straightforward as well.

Overall Appearance:

The layout was simple and organized. The whole page looks neat and the paragraphing of the story was good as well. It's comfortable and pleasing to read but I feel that the size of the words can get too small. Try using a bigger size for the words, probably to 14 but the font and style of the page was great.

Description and Foreword:

There isn't actually a description and foreword but judging from the top of the story's page, it's good that you decided to add some information of the story with the prompt used and listing the characters as well. That gives enough for a drabble story in terms of context and length. (I will write about the story's main description and foreword page's comments at the other drabble review instead of here!)

Plot:[Story's resolution and theme]

Well, the story's main theme is about being flawless; Son Naeun being flawless. After reading the drabble, I can't help but not to accept that she's flawless because of many things that you didn't write about. It's important to write very shortly and be concise especially for a drabble but you should have written more about Naeun and prove why she's flawless in the writer's point of view. You did mentioned that she's popular, gorgeous, role-model to many and is extremely likable and comfortable to be with but it's not enough to persuade and convince the readers about her being flawless. You could write more in details about how,why,when,what about her is so flawless than all the other students. For example, if you wrote about her being in a student council, you can expand the information but giving examples of why she's flawless being the head of the student council. For eg : Son Naeun has perfect grades, perfect hair, perfect personalty and perfect characteristic that there's no doubt why she has been chosen as the school's head of the student council. Something to write in detail about everything she's flawless in, to persuade and show the readers why the writer thinks she's flawless. 

I was a little bit disappointed with the ending because while reading about the nerdy girl who's smart and ace the exams, I was hoping for an unexpected ending with that nerdy and awkward girl being revealed at the writer of the story! Or at least hoping she take a good part in the story, maybe her being Naeun sister or something but her role in the story is pretty redundant. However, I did like the part about the ending where you kind off trailed with 'maybe a little stuck-up with her results too.'! It gives off a good feeling especially in the ending. A good closing sentence to end the story giving readers a satisfied feeling.

Otherwise, you've focused the drabble's theme correctly by focusing on Naeun and the many reasons why she's famous and why that nerdy girl is not!

Language:

The grammar is actually fine and there isn't any major problem in language. However, I think it could better if the sentence parallelism could be better improved. Other than slight rephrasing of the sentences to make it less choppy, I think you did great in tenses and grammar in general!

For eg. (when writing a sentence of 'A' and 'B', both context of 'A' and 'B' should be similar or in the same category that make sense.)

Wrong parallelism: She's cute when she wears skinny jeans.

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