Review for jongstal4eva  // Reviewed by: michiusa

Title and Story link:  

00:01  (Completed, reviewed with one-shot)

Title: (9/10)

The idea of using a specific time has always interested me and yours was no exception. The title is also very nicely incorporated into your story.

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

I liked the poster, it's cute and captured the essence of your story. A cute, fluff, Christmas story. The only thing I would change about the poster is put Luhan in the gift box because I feel like he's the present to Sehun. :)

For your review I found it a little unappealing for it to take up so much space, maybe you can put it in a blog and link it in? 

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

I feel like you're missing a description. A description is usually a sentence or two that should help capture your reader's attention. I would recommend something like Sehun's favorite hyung is out of the country for the week, what is Sehun to do?

The scene you have provided of Jongin and Sehun is a great intro to the story and captures the readers attention.

Plot: (14/20)

The plot is a rather simple one, Luhan is in Japan which meant Sehun would have to spend Christmas alone. But Luhan comes back just in time and they share a kiss, and it's the start of their new relationship. I have seen many plots like this so I can't call it original. I felt the story is still a little unresolved. Why did Luhan sound so rushed in the phone? And was the soft tune of his phone, Luhan calling back?

And I felt for Dec, 25th 23:00 and 23:31 it was a little repetitive since your point was to express that Sehun was so depressed about Luhan, he hadn't moved at all.

Overall I think you did a great job in making this a short sweet Christmas story.

Language: (18/20)

You have the general idea of grammar an