Review for flamzfox // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

The Dawn of Life (Completed, one-shot)

Title: (19/20)

At first, I cannot make any sense at all with the title and I couldn't even try to make guesses about what the story is going to be by the title. When I read the story, it wasn't until the 3/4 of the story where the title meaning in the story was obvious to me. I can finally understand that the dawn of life was referring to Kris and how kris help yixing to begin living again. It's as though Kris was the reason of yixing living and his reason to continue living. I've come to really liked the title but I believe that this isn't the best title for the story. It has a strong significant to the story's plot and characters but it didn't have that magical, mystical, unique feeling it gives off comparing to 'Humanity's Code' or 'Carded Destiny'. 

Overall Appearance: (5/5)

I actually saw the poster before it was gone but now it's gone... As usual, you cannot not get full marks for overall appearance. The font, style, layout, colors, organizing, d/f are all done in such a neat and nice way! I also really liked how you separate the story up with a line and a heart to let readers know about the change in scene. 

Description and Foreword: (18/20)

First off, somehow I feel that the description and foreword's content kind off give too much away since it's a one-shot and other than understanding what's happening to Yixing, everything else was already written in d/f. I fell in love with the description of the story, it was so beautifully extracted and I love how you described about the strings in yixing slowly starts to snap after kris appeared. I thought that was really interesting and it definitely brings my attention to the story. The foreword was great because it's content was my second favorite and best scene that I liked best from the story. I think the foreword helps clear the initial misunderstand I had in the description. When I first read the description, it sorts of make me picture yixing as a puppet because you had written that the strings was drawing lines of blood and that there was a puppet master controlling him so I kind of thought of that literally. The foreword feels slightly too long too, it'll be great if you can summarise it to be shorter so that it'll pull readers to read the story instead.

Plot: (28/30)

I'm so in love with the idea of everything in the story that I don't even know where to start. I can't stop reading it because I want to know what actually happens and while reading the story, I was so so afraid that after knowing behind everything that it would be disappointing but I turns out to really love it. I love the idea about the game that you can escape and start anew and everything that it stands. It'll definitely be worth waiting for in the future and it's so realistic. The realistic elements in the story really surprises me, about kris talking about his sister, yixing and his brother, how he sacifice and forgive, yixing decisions and everything. I like the touch of realistic in stories and more specifically sci-fi/fantansy stories. I also admired the parts where you could make it cheesy with kris talking about a painful past about his lover but instead you decided to go with his sister instead. It was beautiful and moving. It goes the same with yixing and his brother. I felt his brother pain and misery but I will never be able to forgive him just like what yixing did. 

The ending of the story was a bit on the predictable side but it was still worth reading. I like twists in stories and I think there was enough great plot twists in the story already that I think the ending was really sweet and wonderful. I liked how they both ended up together and they even visited kris' sister and I love what yixing whispered to her... that she can finally rest. 

Originality: (20/20)

Admittedly, I don't usually read scifi fanfics, I feel that this story is ordinary in originality that made it extraordinary in originality. It doesn't feel forceful about trying to make the story stand out and have many good original ideas in it, the story feels naturally original in it's own way. A few to menti