Review for -natsukim // By: Michiusa

Title and Story Link:

Title: (7/10)

The title is rather long and generic for the rom-com type stories that reveals quite a lot of the story with just the title. Since your title is talking about L. Joe I would have assumed that this whole story would be in the Soojung's perspective, but the story's actually more focused on L. Joe so... since you do have the story mostly focused on L. Joe maybe you could change it to something like, Soojung: the Girl that Ruined my Career or for something not so rom-com maybe Cupid's Adventure?

When describing someone as most stupid, an better word choice would be stupidest.  

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

Since the story is a rom-com the background and poster you had fitted the story perfectly. It's bright and colorful, creating a cheery feeling. I do question about your mini-poster on top of each chapter. Is joe meant to be small cased and shouldn't there be an exclamation point?

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

Your description was empty minus the message from L. Joe. In a description you should usually provide a summary of your story to draw a reader's interest in. 

While the idea of providing a character chart and a brief description of the characters is an great idea, I feel you are revealing too much of the characters. Rather telling the readers this is what he is like, it would be better if you could describe them in your story of itself to provide an air of mystery. Kind of like as you read each chapter you get to find out a little more about him. Maybe the first chapter you show an example of his work and he mentions he's never failed a mission before. 

Since you've only worked up to case one, I think you should keep the rest of the cases a secret or not provide the cases in the front at all to make the readers read who's going to be involved. And also is your character chart meant to have some of the people not have titles?

Plot: (14/20) 

I'm a little confused to the plot. First off, in the prologue I'm assuming the girl, L. Joe met was Soojung? So why didn't he recognize her or rather have the same kind of reaction as he did in the first time. The stammering and blushing madness. Secondly, where do they get these clients? If they were hired by the clients shouldn't the clients know who's helping them out.  Or are they an actual "cupid" who just knows everything and I guess the DBSK's decided who should pair up with whom. But if that is the case, wouldn't it be more realistic if they weren't all in High School? That is assuming these couples are going to last for the rest of their lives. 

The idea of having people set other people and then having the lead falling in love with the cupid is pretty common so I don't know if you've got any twists of your own to make this story your own. Seems like you still have a long way to go before finishing the story since you're only on case #1. If you don't have any twists in mind how about rather than having L. Joe having a perfect record  of being a cupid, he actually messed up a case, where he and a client's target fell in love which ended very badly. Leaving him with a rather tramatic past. But Soojung ends up liking L.Joe will hire another cupid to set them up and L. Joe tries resisting and has to forget about his tramatized past. Plus because of him and that client, a rule has been created if you fall in love then you will be banished from being a cupid.

Language: (12/20)

Overall, I understood what you wanted to express in each sentence and you did a good with adding details to the sentences.  But some of the wording were a little awkward. So I provided some examples of the mistakes you should take note of. Please note that I didn't illustrate all of the mistakes.

Wrong word choice:

-I felt that I wanted to jump to any pools to cool down myself. 

(I wanted to jump into a pool to cool myself down.)

Want is an already a feeling so we don't have to say I feel I want to eat, writing this way is wordy and unnecessary. All you have to do is write I want to eat.  

-But, because of this work, I needed to be strong.

(But because of work, I needed to resist my urges.)

And this work is used when you have already described what work he is doing. Needed to be strong is rather ambiguous. Does strong mean physically or mentally?

-The boy looked nervous when he looked at the girl. The girl blushed and nodded while he asking her something.

(The boy nervously looked at the girl. She blushed and nodded as he asked her something.)

From the example above you can see for one sentence there is a lot of looking. Repetition of a word is discouraged minus he/she, him/her, and names. Since you ended the first sentence with the girl, you should try using a different noun to describe her to make the sentences flow.

-“ Seems you look okay. Let me help you~”

(“ Seems you are okay. Let me help you~”)

-She waved her hand in front of me, made me realized that I kept staring at her.

(She waved her hand in front of me, making me realize I was staring at her.)

-L.Joe’s eyes fluttered to open slowly and he eventually rubbed his eyes. The light shot onto his eyes, making his eyes squeezed a little bit.

(L.Joe’s eyes fluttered open slowly, rubbing his eyes. Bright light shone onto his eyes, making him squint a little.)

-“Holy ! Wo! You’re scared me…”

(“Holy ! Woah! You’ve scared me…”)

-The blonde stewardess beamed and looked uncomfortable.

(The blonde stewardess fidgeted uncomfortably.)

Your sentence is contradicting. Beaming is something to express happiness but you described her as being uncomfortable. Rather than say someone looks uncomfortable you can just say use the adjective by adding an -ly so in this case it's