Review for Sirieh // Reviewed by: chaniel

Title and Story link:  

What am I to you? (On going, reviewed with 10 chapters)

Title: (7/10)

The title doesn't really give me any kind of emotion. It's used at one point of the story so I get that, but it doesn't really match the entire plot and it's not that interesting to get reader's attention. However I myself at titles and I can't really tell you of another one you could use, I'm sorry about that!

Overall Appearance: (7/10)

I like your poster, it has both Kris and Luhan and the main OC character. However why is there two Kris? Maybe Tao should be in it since it's also a really important part of your OC character's life. You don't have any background so I would suggest you get one. Maybe one with light colors that match the poster, so the story looks better in terms of apperance. Also, I would also advice you to use the same fonts during the entire story and for the description/foreword section. And also, you should really leave a space in between paragraphs, because the lines are too close to each other and then suddenly there's weird spaces in between sentences.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

Your description tells a little too much about the plot. I already know she dated someone, then that person changed, and now she's with someone else. And sadly, that's pretty much everything that's happenning on the plot so far so your description is a little too informative about your story.

About the character's info, I always say the same. I don't really like it when people describe the main parts of a character because then they feel they don't need to write any background for the characters or explain relationships or past. Which is a little annoying because not everyone feels like reading everything the foreword/description says. Usually, or at least myself, I read a little part of the description to know what the story's about and the move on to the first chapter to see if it actually gets my attention. However, when a description/foreword is too long, I skip it and move on to chapter one to see if the story's interesting. So, some people might not read the information you give about your character, and then you don't explain it either on the story.

Plot: (10/20)

I really don't want to sound harsh here, but you plot has a lot of blank spots and missing information, and feels like somehow everything's rushed yet at the same time nothing's happening. There are a few good things about it that would've really worked out better if you had explained the story a different way. You start with her confession and then you jump to a year later when everything falls appart between her and Kris, and then suddenly her parents die and they move to China.

Kris killing her parents could've been a really good plot twist but it was done a little rushed and confusing that I didn't even understand much of what happened while I was reading it. At the same time, her family background is messy. I didn't know the beginning of the story was set in Canada, I thought it was in Korea. And also, you never really say she'd adopted until later in the other chapters, and you never really explain why she lives with all the other boys in the same house, why is it that they go to a rich's university if they are orphans. If she was underage when her parents died, she wouldn't have had that many freedom.

Hers and Luhan's relationship is good, I get they can be friends and then date. It's a little too cheesy and there's nothing "original" about their relationship or about everything else about their school life at the university.

Usually in almost all stories I read about EXO they are writen as the "kingkas" and here is no different. There's nothing really going on on the plot except the love relationship and now that Kris is back I expect confusion. But there is nothing that leaves people actually hanging and wanting to know what will happen on the next chapter.

Kris' comeback's makes things a little better, but I feel there are a few chapters that should be put as only one. For example the first three chapters feel too long for a flashback or a set up, maybe you should've writen it all in one, and the same with other chapters where nothing really happens only that she is with Luhan and her brother and friends.

Language: (17/20)

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