Review for KPOPTASTIC   // Reviewed by: michiusa

Title and Story link:

01:26:25 (Completed, reviewed with one-shot)

Title: (8/10)

The title made the story pretty much clear that something important happened at that time maybe a death or a miracle. The title is interesting, unique and attracted my attention. One thing I would recommend is adding an explanation of why this time is important. Although the time was mentioned in the last part, I wasn't quite sure what the time meant, is that when Baekhyun took his own life? or is it when he bid farewell to Fany or maybe it's something else?

The chapter title and your story title was different which is different most one shots I've seen, normally they are kept the same. Personally I feel the time title attracts me a lot more than Before and After. When I think of before and after, the image of before plastic surgery and after comes to mind. Maybe something like Pivot Point would suit the before and after effect you are looking for?

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

I really liked the layout of your story. The grey expressed the sadness in the story. And the background is really good, it went well with the color of your text.

I'm not sure of how I feel about the poster, I really like the fact that Baekhyun's face is sad and there's a picture of Tiffany in the middle kind of like a memory but then the white and black Tiffany automatically hinted at her death since most posters don't have two pictures of the same person. I think it depends on if you want the death of Tiffany to be a mystery or not. The only thing that bothered me was your text didn't fit in the frame so you had to scroll from side to side at times. 

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

The description was good and it captured the essence of the story however by repetitively using you in the description I felt like the story was more of a you story. The questions felt more like what would you do and I'm not sure if that was your goal or not.  I would suggest changing it to something like: Byun Baekhyun, didn't believe in true love, and being in a relationship was really just a waste of time. That is until one day he met her. She was different. She changed his world around. But like all great things, it must all come to an end. What will happen when the spark goes missing in Baekhyun's life?

Since it was a one shot, I don't feel it's necessary to add an foreword, but if you wanted to, using something from the , but not revealing too much, would be a great foreword.

Plot: (15/20)

The plot was fairly easy to understand, Baekhyun who didn't believe in love, meets Tiffany and believes she's the one until a few months later, he's sick of the in a relationship status. I like the fact you included of how Tiffany and Baekhyun met and also the part where Baekhyun's realizes where he went wrong. A relationship takes two people so it obviously needs both people's cooperation. The reason behind Baekhyun's reason for breaking up with Tiffany is sadly true, people often only think selfishly of what they had to sacrifice for the other person and not what the other person has given up. This idea of people not cherishing their loved ones however is used pretty commonly.

I feel the story is missing the suspense that leads up to the . When Baekhyun said those harsh things to Tiffany, I wasn't sure what was going on. There was nothing leading up to the anger. It felt more like a bam! suddenly there was the of them breaking. It would have been great if you could add in scenes of Tiffany irking Baekhyun little by little. Which then leads Baekhyun to missing his bachelor days so he goes out drinking then lashes out at Tiffany in their confrontation. Overall I felt what you have is basically the skeleton of a story and what you need to include is the meat of it. Remember it's the details that makes us believe what you are saying it's true and feel how the characters should feel. Such as scenes of Baekhyun and Tiffany bonding and sharing small moments rather than just having an line of they became closer and closer.

Language: (16/20)

Your language overall was good, I could easily understand what you wanted to express. And you have the basic knowledge of grammar and such. There were a few things I think you should take note of and definitely pay more attention to it when you look through your story such as capitalization, spelling, verb tense, incomplete sentences, and wording. Please note I only provided a few examples of the mistakes for you to have an idea of how to change the errors.

-Baekhyun was on his way to the Park nearby; his so called friends set him up on a blind date. He never really engaged in Relationships.He thinks that its just a waste time when you can travel and search the whole world freely, and not with someone who is annoying you and telling you should go on another place where she wanted to go.

(Baekhyun was on his way to a park nearby; his so called friends set him up on a blind date. He hardly ever got involved in a relationship. He thought that it was just a waste time when instead he could travel around the world freely, and not be with someone who is annoying him and telling him should go on another place where she wanted to go. ) 

The rule to capitalizing is, do capitalize the first letter of a sentence and names of a place or name. The main problem I noticed through out the story was you tend to capitalize the first letter after a comma, you don't need to. 

I changed the second sentence because never is such a strong word to use but then it got weakened by the word really. And you mentioned later on he met with a lot of women which meant he did have some experience. 

Misspelling:

-Baekhyun, even though he was drunk, still heared and understood what she had said. But the words that came out of his mouth; That he couldn't stop and control.

(Baekhyun, even though he was drunk, still heard and understood what she had said. But the words that came out of his mouth was unthoughtful and cruel. )

- She bursted into tears as she was standing in front of his boyfriend. His words hurted her precious heart too much

( She burst into tears as she stood in front of his boyfriend. His words had hurt her precious heart too much.)

The past tense of burst and hurt is burst and hurt no -ed needed to be added on.

Verb Tense:

In a story you should stick with one ve