Review for BABY_ZELO15  // By: Michiusa

Title and Story Link:

Title: (6/10)

Your title is original but it really only fits for half of your story. While you do include Sehun in your story, there isn't that much of tutoring or as much of Sehun as I would have expected. It seems more like a story of EXO and Taemi. Whose My Tutor would work much better for the chapter where she meets Sehun. From the chapter that she moved in with the EXO's I would think the title is more like My Life with the EXOs. But this gives off a more rom-com feel. Maybe a title like Deviance or Twisted would work better because of their abnormal life style.

For titles my and tutor should be capitalized as well so it should be Whose My Tutor? And I think it's suppose to be Who's My Tutor because from the better writing skills website they said you use who's when you want to say who is and whose otherwise.

Overall appearance: (9/10)

Your layout is unique. It captured my attention and looked very professional. The overlapping of the two pictures is a very cool idea.

Your poster however is a big contrast to your banner. One is expressing angst and the other is hot and y. It might work better if you could keep them persistent. Personally, I feel the banner's style is more fitting to the story. It gives of a y vibe. As for background it's a little plain compared to your creative poster and banner. Something that I found most artist doing is, take out the characters in you poster and just have the title. And use that as a background. That way it blends in really well with the rest of your story and doesn't stand out as much.

In chapter 5 your text color was off.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Although it is cool that you had the text and picture overlap, the pictures are really distracting and I found a little hard to follow. I'm also not sure about why you capitalized some (i)s but not the others. I'm assuming you just forgot to capitalize them. Also there was a mistake in your description.

The almighty girl who continously handles one night stans. It should be The almighty girl who continuously handles one night stands.

And What can possibily go wrong? should be What could possibly go wrong?

Also here's the video I had made should be here's the video I made:

Good job on the trailer, your video is the first one I've seen an author do. An excerpt from the story might work well in your favor, give your readers a taste of you writing style and a glimpse of what's to come to draw them in. 

Plot: (14/20)

Your story is supposed to be in Taemi's point of view (1st point of view), so you should not include other peoples' thoughts or actions unless they told Taemi. If you really must include other peoples' thinking process then you should point out that you are going back into the 3rd pov. And you have a small section that's written in the 2nd pov. I'm assuming that this used to be a you story?

Your story is the first time I've read a "playgirl" with a guy nerd, however I can't call this exactly original. There are plenty of stories with a player with a nerd. But I enjoyed the fact that you made the girl player rather than the guy. It's awesome that you tried adding something new to your plot to make the story your own. However I found the idea of EXOs suddenly becoming idols and her moving in with them to be unrealistic and overwhelming with trying to mash several story plots together.  It's great if you want to explore that area of a girl moving in with the idols but I would leave it for another story. And just stick to your orginial plot, a nerd tutoring a . If your having a hard time making it more unique, how about she could hide the fact she sleeps around, but when he finds out her true past, he rejects her. Then she finds out he's messed up to or something like that.

Rather than adding a lot of actions, I thinking adding more details would help your story become realistic and less chopped up. For example in one part of the story you suddenly described that Taemi found Sehun to be a fake. He actually had problems with drugs, etc. But you didn't mention how she knew. I would have loved to read more of how Taemin and Sehun bloomed from strangers to friends then to lovers.

Language: (14/20)

Your language was smooth and I could understand exactly what you wanted to express in each sentence. There are however a few mistakes I think you should take note of especially spelling error. This can be prevented by enabling scayt that's available in AFF as the ABC with a check mark underneath. Or maybe just after you finish writing, take a break then give your story one last glance before publishing it. Please keep in mind that I didn't include all of the mistakes, only simple examples.

Verb Tense:

-I got onto his motorbike, wrapping my legs which were only cover by a short black fabric and some tights, around Jihyuk.

(I got onto his motorbike, wrapping my legs which were only covered by a short black fabric and some tights, around Jihyuk.)

-He blushed and look around not meeting my gaze.

(He blushed and looked around, avoiding my gaze.)

-I looked around finding omma sat on the sofa.

(I looked around and found omma sitting on the sofa.)

Incomplete sentence:

 -My arms securely around his waist, my head on his back as he flew off.

 (My arms slid secure