Review for BabyBlueUnicorn // Reviewed by: AutumnsConcierto

Title and Story link:  

Almas Gemelas (Soulmates) (Completed one-shot)

Title: (18/20)

Hmm, very interesting title I must say since it's in Spanish. But, it might turn people off if they assume the story's in Spanish. I have no problemos with it though. ;P Almas gemelas sounds very beautiful and exotic, and it's a fitting title for the story. (Hint hint, maybe getting rid of the translation at the end of the title and only having "Almas Gemelas" makes it seem prettier to me. Just a suggestion)

Overall Appearance: (3/5)

I love the pictures in the poster, the font, etc. But, the pictures are too small in my opinion and the poster is more bottom-heavy. Also, I think a background would have boosted the overall appearance and the story would have definitely been more eye-catching because it's too plain with just the poster. 

Description and Foreword: (16/20)

Description- If I had to be totally honest, your layout initially put me off. A lot. I'm one of those people that prefer it when authors put their countless other posters for their story at the bottom, not at the top. I would have thought that there was no description if I didn't scroll down. It wastes space. When I got to the actual description though, I loved it because it was short and concise. I think your pretty description would look even more attractive if you had it layed out like this though:

Original= Supposedly, everyone has a soulmate. A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and/or natural connection; one is born with that single person itched in our hearts, we just need to find them. It almost seems as if everything is color pink once that person is found... Is their love really forever?

Preferable layout=

Supposedly, everyone has a soulmate.

A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and/or natural connection; one is born with that single person etched in our hearts, we just need to find them.

It almost seems as if everything is colored pink once that person is found

...But is their love really forever?

Foreword: It's only the information for the writing competition so nothing to talk about.

Plot: (20/30)

The story is a bit too simple and boring for me, there's nothing that really spices it up a whole lot. It's predictable and bland. The only sudden things that would make me feel worried were when one bodily function after another was being taken away from Sora, because at those points I thought, "Now she's going to die? ... Or not." Not that I wanted her to die [ :( ] , but I pretty much anticipated it from the start after learning of her mysterious deadly disease.

However, the way it's pieced out one by one seems flawless. I truly have no problems with the length and there are no confusions in the story as everything is somehow explained in one way or another. I really like the fact that you time lasped in the story to quicken the pace, making the story not seem draggy like many other things I've read. You get straight to the point and don't beat around the bush.

The way Luhan and Sora's relationship seemed to deepen after they connected more was sweet. It was refreshing to read of their lovey-dovey couple moments (I love these things in all honesty) because it shows true love. That they're soulmates. Haha. Well then again, it's probably just my fantastical rainbow sparkly mind. I haven't fallen in love yet (obviously no bf) so I get jealous and hopeful? when I see such longlasting relationships amidst hardship. They make my heart melt and just make me anticipate the day I'll find my soulmate. LOLOL getting a little cheesy here. ><

By the way, it would have been nice if you had emphasized the whole almas gemelas/ soulmate theme. It's the title and I was a bit disappointed when the story lacked the push for soulmates. 

I do have a question though. What in the world was Sora's exact illness for her to be so sick, paralysis, blindness, loss of hearing, and then death? Neoplasm? The logical person within me wants to know the exact name and the scientific research/background behind her disease. By the way, I thought she lost her sense of touch but yet she was able to feel writing on her cheek? Hmm. Let the explanations begin! (unless it was only paralysis below her neck or something)

Originality: (14/20)

The story isn't very original, honestly speaking. Right off the bat the beginning totally reminded me of the MV for Big Bang's "Haru Haru" and countless other fanfics. 

Even the story itself to me has been used and overdone so many types. It'd be the typical story where there's a couple that breaks up just because one of them has a deadly disease and doesn't want the other to hurt as much. (Although that's... I don't get that logic. I just don't. Why not spend your last days with your loved one? Even if they have to do so much for you when in sickness, taking care of you should never end up being a chore or obligation for him/her. )

Continuing on, then the guy's best friend who may/may not be in love with the girl pretends to be in a relationship with her now so the guy could forget the girl. But then the guy hits a low so the friend finally spits the truth, etc. I think you understand my point, right?

I do like Sora's view from the staircase on Heaven though, it's a beautiful scene to imagine her watching over her loved ones.

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