Review for senobralloC // Reviewed by: stupendous-

Title and Story link:  

Peter Pan (Completed, one-shot)

Title: (14/20)

Okay, I really contemplated with myself on this. The title, as we all know, is way too cliche; however, I do understand why you picked it seeing that it was mainly inspired by the song itself and I do realise that there were a few lines from the song too in the story. Nevertheless, it bugged me. I figured that it was too cliche and way mainstream; too overused. It might have gotten a higher mark if you used a different title. Something like, "Dreaming of Wendy," seeing that Jongin dreamt of Soojung and the memories of their childhood. You could also use, "Wendy's Return," since Soojung had returned after all the years. Still, the story and title correlates each other greatly.

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I have no problem with the appearance however the font size was a tad small. I'd prefer if you used Calibri with size 14, at least, it would be slightly bigger and easier to read. I love your poster too. It portrays a really fluffy vibe and a light romance feeling just lingers throughout the poster. Your paragraphing style is quite unique too, I like it. It gave a feeling of reading a novel; a short story. The spacing was fine too, it wasn't a paragraph away from each other which made it look neat and clean.

Description and Foreword: (15/20)

I don't know why but your description/foreword didn't quite reel me in. I figured it was because of the title, I kind of made my own assumption as soon as I saw the title. I figured it was another story that implied the song Peter Pan which was quite mainstream after EXO released the album tracks. Nonetheless, I was interested in it since you left me a question of their ending. Being a Kaistal shipper, of course, I wondered about it. There were small errors in your sentences;

Kai has been dreaming his past too often that it hurts him to wake up in the morning. His first love which has left him 10 years ago is haunting him in his dreams. But what if she really comes back but deny all of their past together? Will Kai accept it? Or will he get back to his Neverland wish?

Correction: Kai has been dreaming his past too often that it hurts to wake up in the morning. His first love whom had left him ten years ago had been haunting him in his dreams. What if she really comes back but denies all of their past together? Will Kai accept the truth or will he get back to his Neverland wish?

From my view, the description didn't quite grab my attention to continue my read. It felt like something was missing or the idea was mainstream. Maybe if you jumbled it up, it would probably be better. Maybe you could put the story in Soojung's perspective seeing that it was Jongin who first "insulted" her or because she was the one leaving and not Jongin. Most of the Peter Pan based fics are mainly written from the sense of the guy's point of view; but what about the girl's? It is true that from the song, it is based from the guy's point of view however the girl's thoughts matter too.

Plot: (19/30)

Since it's quite a short one-shot, I can't really pin-point on this area much. Due to the mainstream idea, I can't really say much here. The story was kind of expected. You could simply tell what happens by seeing the title. I'd probably mark it higher if the story was a spin-off of the original tale. Like, somebody died or something. Make me expect something totally unexpected, but as I've mentioned, it is a one-shot so details like plot twists and meaningless mentions of other devices in the story would create plot holes thus making the story all the more complicated. Although there is a way to it, I would totally love it if you had explained each of the scenes in a detailed manner especially their flashbacks. I am not sure if you wrote it in a rush or from scratch and just slammed everything in but somehow there was something lacking in the story. It was flat. I wasn't so sure if it had a rising action, a nor did it had a perfect ending. Maybe the reason of Soojung leaving was unclear or the fact that before Soojung left, Jongin didn't ask his mother to meet her before leaving or something. It didn't really have an impact that would make me remember your story out of all the Peter Pan based fictions.

Originality: (13/20)

As mentioned in Plot, I can't give high marks on this either. The idea is mainstream, and we've pretty much seen the same ideas here and there. Nonetheless, there was one thing that could distinct your story out of the rest Peter Pan stories; a photo of Jongin and Soojung at the Wendy Fort dressed as Peter Pan and Wendy. That was something. Most of the Peter Pan based stories used diaries which is starting to grow boring. I imagined the photo in my head and found it really cute. It makes me rethink on my childhood and the times I played dress up, and that is something to tackle on. So