Review for michiusa // By: pilsuk123 

Title and Story Link:

Title: (7/10)

The title fits in the story perfectly and it has a good connection with the story. However, in terms of practicality, it's not as good. The story couldn't be found easily and the title don't reach out to all readers. I feel that I won't read the story because the theme of time-traveling doesn't interest me, the story title will attract attention of those who only like it. Writing an indirect title might help with attracting everyone's attention, other wise, it's a pretty good title.

Overall Appearance: (10/10)

From the poster to background picture, everything was so appealing, sophisticated and pretty. The description/foreword and the chapter page was organized and neat! However, in the description/foreword, you should get another Yoona picture to put in the character's chart/introduction because it's blocked by copyrighted. Full marks for making it look so appealing!

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

The description was alright, so as the foreword. I would actually say that the foreword appealed to me more than the description. The description is a little too simple and direct, it's almost the summary of the story. Since it's a one-shot, a short desciption is just something you can't avoid but try to be more discretive and write it in another more mysterious way.

For the foreword, even though I like it more than the description, there's a part I would phrase it differently.

Releasing his hand on the back of her neck, he placed it on top of her head in comfortingly.

(Releasing his hand from the back of her neck, he placed it on top of her head in a comforting manner.)

In summary, I think you have an alright description and foreword but I believed it could be better written to attract more attention and interest to the story. The page was organized and neat.

Plot: (14/20) 

Since you're writing this for a contest, and at some point it requires you to somehow follow and relate to the movie - The Girl Who Leaped Through Time and hence originality would not be judge for 'Plot'. As part of the story can only be understood through watching the movie or knowing the movie, still I was confuse all the time while reading. Questions of Sehun and how it the time leaping works kept appearing in my head, making it hard for me to concentrate. 

I know that you're targeting a very particular group of reader so I don't want to emphasize on that instead on how it could be better written. I would have a much better understanding of the story if it all don't happen and end in one day. 

I was confuse at almost everything. From the theory of leaping through time and its limit etc. How Yoona and Sehun met wasn't explained well enough as well so I couldn't relate to both of their realtionship at all. I get all freaked out when Yoona kept expressing about her feelings to Sehun because I don't know a hint about them meeting at the first place. It was pretty confusing and I would have hoped for more flashbacks or more vidvid dream about their childhood.

I love the part where you have Minseok in the story and about the setting up Yoona with Lay. That made the plot special and I adored that part best in the story. Strangely, Sehun coming back to Yoona was the best part for me even though it should. It felt too sudden and unrealistic that it wasn't the best part. I was smiling so widely when Minseok interacted with Yoona because I could feel how much he cared for her and it was cute. The ending with Yoona not doing with Lay was extremely hilarious and entertaining. I couldn't stop laughing and going back to the ending again because I could imagine what everyone's reaction is.

The reason behind to why Sehun didn't come back earlier was slightly leaning towards a unrealistic point. Just like what Yoona thought, age and job shouldn't affect him coming back to her because they both love each other sincerely. Another reason of maybe him not being able to come back to her was a better reason beacuse he can't and not that he won't. 

For the ending, it was so good, it leaves a lot of ambiguity for readers to visualize everything from Minseok and Lay reaction! I really like how you decided on that because if you would to write that scene, it would probably destroy my hilarious imagination of that part!

All in all, I like how you added a few special part into the story to make it even more memorable and fun and I don't like how it can get confusing.

Language: (18/20)

Except for a few typos/mistakes I've listed below, there isn't actually much to talk about here in 'Language'. You have a very clear idea of the tenses used and how to express and describe a particular scene. It felt so real when you describe a scene because I actually feel as though I am there with them. You write in a non-exaggerating way which I really appreciate. Nowadays, a lot of authors focused so much on using big words to describe a part and it gets on my nerve if it's used wrongly or not used appropriately. 

You write it in a manner that fits today's world really well and hence I could vis