Review for _whitelilac // By: Michiusa

Title and Story Link:

Smile for Me (Completed one-shot)

Title: (7/10)

The idea of the title is right, that Kai wants Kyungsoo to smile for him but since it's more of a subtle idea and the title is a pretty common name I think you could have came up with something more mysterious or interesting or you could've associated the idea of the throughout the story, emphasizing the title. For example by having random moments where you can have Kai saying smile for me. 

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

The poster definitely gave off an angst feeling and the background added to the effect of a possible death to come. For your countdown, it’s a great indication of how much time has passed. Although, if you wanted to Kai’s death to be a surprise I would go against putting down the time or maybe you could count it from 0 as an indication of when their relationship started.

Description & Foreword: (7/10)

Plot: (16/20) 

I wouldn't exactly count this plot as original since there have been stories similar to this with the idea  of a list, a few things to do before I die. But kudos to you for having a slight twist by doing letting the list continue even after Kai's death, I think that was a good idea! It's well thought through and you were able to give Kyungsoo closure. The ending was a little expected but I really like how you choose to close the story nicely with Kyungsoo being happy or moved on.

Language: (17/20)

Your language was overall good and I understood what you wanted to express easily. However, there are a few things I think you could take note of such as the verb tense, spelling and repetition. In most cases, you did get the verbs right but there were a few misses. The basic rule I use is sticking to one verb tense which is usually in the past tense meaning adding 'ed' to most of the verbs or you could go with the present tense, adding s to the verbs. But if you're not sure you can ask yourself is this action still happening or is in the past.

Wrong verb tense:

-“Have you sit down and think about it?”

(Have you ever sat down and thought about it? Or Do you ever sit down and think about it?”)

-“There is this kid I am in love with since I was three years old.”

(There is this kid I’ve been in love with since I was three years old.”)

-Jonghyun nudged Key beside him, the fangirls heard what Jonghyun had said and proceeded to scream so loud that it also deafen Kyungsoo’s ear’s.

(Jonghyun nudged Key, who was sitting beside him. Upon hearing Jonghyun’s comment the fangirls proceeded to scream so loud that it deafened Kyunsoo’s ears.)

I reworded the sentence because I found it a little awkward, and the sentence could be broken into two. The word also doesn’t fit in this sentence since also is used to add an extra information to a sentence.

-Dearest Kyungsoo who owned my heart,

(Dearest Kyungsoo, whom owns my heart,

Since Kai is not dead yet and is still in love with Kyungsoo, own shouldn’t be in past tense since the action of owning is still happening.

Misspelling:

-Kai exclaimed proudly and it was only then did Kyungsoo notice the plaster on Kai’s fingers.

(Kai exclaimed proudly