Review for Beautygirl // Reviewed by: Leggomyjello

Title and Story link:  

Love? What is Love? (Completed, Oneshot)

Title: (9/10)

I like the title. It’s not too long and it does not give away much about the story. It adds an element of mysteriousness which could draw people in, while wondering what the answer to the question is.I also like the way it ties into the entire storyline, how the question is present in all three plots and is answered at the end of all said plots. Good choice, even though it is not eye-catching, it suits the story well. It does not draw ones attention because there are so many other stories with a title such as this one.

A better title could have been: The Unknown Definition of Love

Or: Oblivious to Love

Then you could have incorporated 'Love? What is Love?' in the forward.

Overall Appearance: (7/10)

I did not like the layout of the story at all. The paragraphs were too spaced out at times then not spaced out enough at other times. They were not uniformed. It looked very odd, disorganized and unprofessional. It was also very confusing to read. The paragraph formats were not the same. Next time, keep minimal spacing between paragraphs and maybe put double spacing when changing point of view.

Though, the font and size of the story made the words easily visible so I had no need to squint.

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

The description was not bad. It was decent and gave enough information but was a little too bland. It did not really catch my attention. There were quite a few mistakes and they were very distracting.

Here is the corrected version. Corrections are in brackets.

Sehun and Luhan have a on, off and on again relationship.

(Sehun and Luhan have an on, off and on again relationship.)

Baekhyun and Chanyeol are very different people to be together.

(It sounds weird. Try: "Baekhyun and Chanyeol are two very different people. They make an odd couple.)

Lay is enganged to a young beautiful girl. Will Suho confess and try to win his heart.

(Lay is engaged to a...Will Suho confess and try to win his heart?)

Will these six people be able to love and feel love?

(Will these six people be able to love and feel loved?)

To write a more interesting description, try to add more adjectives. Have fun with describing but also add enough information to ensnare the readers attention without giving away the whole story.

This is how I would write it:

Six people struggle with the mere idea of love. They have not even the slightest inkling of what it could truly mean. But through pain and suffering can they truly experience the sheer bliss known as love?

Sehun and Luhan have it rough. Constantly arguing over petty things, which often resulted in tears.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are quite the odd pair. Both have very different mindsets, one is certain, the other is anything but. But just as they say, opposites attract.

Suho and Lay do not have it any easier. Unrequited love is a silent killer, one that tortures you without any mercy. The fact that Lay, the one who Suho cares about so unconditionally, is getting married to a beautiful girl, is the plump cherry on top of the large cake.

Will these six survive the treacherous journey and discover the meaning of love? Or will they all fail miserably?

Plot: (15/20)

The plot was interesting to say the least. It was cliché but not overly so. All three storylines are commonly recurring ones. But they were nicely written and it was not too obvious on what the outcome would be. It wasn’t tiring to read and I found it pretty interesting. It got me frustrated every time you would change the subject when something dramatic happened. The cliffhangers were simply treacherous. So I guess you could say that it kept people hooked. There were three different plots happening in this one shot and all of them were clear and concise. They were correctly organized and ,most of the time, no confusion happened. All three couples had problems to overcome and in the end, two of those three had solved them.

I was not satisfied with the Hunhan ending because the reason for Luhan’s departure was too overused and too cliché. You could have maybe thought of an other reason. People tire of reading stories where the ex of, in this case, Sehun, is pregnant and because of that, Luhan leaves him. There could have been a more creative plot twist, one that could have caused readers to gasp in surprise rather than roll their eyes in annoyance.

There were also parts that had me really confused. When Lay and Suho we're engaged right after Lay called off his wedding, I was really lost. When did they get engaged? How come it's so soon? That part was not realistic and it came out of the blue. It would have made sense if they had started dating, but it made absolutely no sense for them to get married, seeing as Suho was not even aware of Lay's feelings for him. Like I said, Lay or Suho should have confessed to