Review for taekeybb // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:

If Fate Permits Them (Completed, one-shot)

Title: (7/10)

I think you can actually come up with a better story title that would make it easier to find in aff, because if you would to search for your story in the search bar, your story doesn't appear in the first page. It's a rather common title or the words used in the title was used often in aff so it might not be easy to find. Secondly, I think you can come up with a better title because I feel you that you have great writing skills, amazing and interesting plot here and 'If Fate Permits Them' sounded a bit flat. It should be more mysterious and interesting! Well, at least the title suits the story line and it's emphasize enough in the story so it's memorable. 

Overall Appearance: (8/10)

I love the whole overall appearance of the story! I would have given a full score on this if it wasn't because of the poster, the poster's title and quote looks weak and it couldn't be seen clearly. I would recommend to use another colour for the title and quote in the spoter to make them stand out more. The background picture was simple, classy and it suits so well when the description quote ("You need to be there for it to be a paradise.") colour so great job on that! The description and foreword page and the chapter page is so organize and neat, I really like how you organize them correctly so it doesn't look all over the place. Though, I wouldn't recommend to put the word count in the chapter because it kinds of ruins the mood, try to place it in the d/f page or replace it over with a suitable quote of the story.

Description and Foreword: (10/10)

I think it's hard to write good description and foreword because it's so important to do it well that it kind of leads to the fate of your story. If you have really crappy and uninteresting description, the chances of people reading the story is low but I really love your story's description. It immediately drew me in even though it sounded like it's going to be a cline plot but I was really drawn to the quote and description! The quote gave a mysterious feel to the story description and it suits the story and the prompt used for the contest.

I guess people have different drastic option on how a description should have been written but in my opinion, I  think you wrote one amazing description. The description also was written ideally in terms of the length and you didn't reveal too much information of the story because it's a one-shot so it's only natural for the description to be short as well. I was really glad you didn't write lengthy and long description or it would reveal too much on the story.

The second part of the description was extremely misleading and it mislead me to think that the plot is going to be a story of a man ion but that's not it. The storyline is so much better than that! You could either write about Sehun's information in the description (because there's almost nothing in the story about him or his name) to prepare the readers about it being him in the story other than misleading readers.

The foreword was neat and organize (as mentioned in overall appearance) and I can't find other ways to make it even better than it already is.

Plot: (17/20)

There's a lot of good and bad things to improve to talk about here, I was rather confuse of what score I should give because there's a lot of good things that covered up the less strong things in plot but I settled for 17/20 in the end. Some of the good things in the plot is that it isnt' a cliche plot which I thought I would be reading in the beginning. It's more of a special encounter in the bar where they share a strong connection with each other and Sehun just seems to be there with Luhan when he's at his worst. I really like that idea a lot, it isn't a cliche plot where Sehun basically sleeps with a lot of other men. 

The bad thing is that there isn't much going on. I find t