Review for LeeKietz // By: Shy_Daydreamer

Title and Story Link:

Title: (7/10)

"The Other World of KPOP" speaks a lot of different things, and it's really eye-catching, although it looked kind of plain. It still had the connectiong between the entire theme, but I can't deny that the title looked really plain and a group of simple words that spoke different things. Try to think of a good name that would captivate even more readers.

Overall appearance: (8/10)

The front page looked kind of messy. The poster had the horror aura of the story, but the change of font colors and adding dark highlights over the words bothered me, because it made the overall appearance look unpleasant. However, I loved how you add a few details in order to add to the horror feeling.

Description and Foreword: (6/10)

The description wasn't that revealing, it only give out key information that was needed to captivate the readers. The description and foreword were okay, except for the fact that there were errors. For example:

DESCRIPTION:

- The idol groups or Soloist idols are having their own creepy and spooky stories.

(The idol groups and solo artists will have their own creepy and spooky stories.)

- These are all presented in "The other world of Kpop" Why I choose the title is because they're gonna experience something to do with the other world or other dimension (You'll know what I mean). And sometimes it presented in Alternate Universe.

(These are all presented in "The Other World of KPOP". The reason why I chose this title is because they're gonna experience things that has something to do with the other world or the other dimension (you'll know what I mean.))

- And sometimes it presented in Alternate Universe (please state the meaning of this sentence, it could confuse the readers.)

FOREWORD:

- I love Horror and suspense stories. That's the reason why I wrote this FanFiction. The FanFic would be a collection of oneshots stories and on each stories/episodes cast with different characters.It also will be present in Alternative Universe.

(I love reading horror and suspense stories, so that was the reason why I decided to make this Fan Fiction. The FanFic would be a collection of one shot stories and on each story/episode different characters will play as lead roles.)

[Like what I stated earlier, please state the real meaning of "It will also be present in Alternative Universe." Some readers might confuse it with a meaning different from its true one.]

- Also I'm not really a confident author, so please if you willing to subscribe, comment. Just to let me know if it's worth to continue or not.

(Also, I'm not really a confident author, so please if you are willing to subscribe and comment, just let me know if it's worth to continue or not.)

Plot: (11/20) 

This collection of one shots were something unique, since horror-themed stories aren't that abundant here in AFF. However, I don't see any of this realistic at all. Yes there were times in the real world where we get to experience something supernatural and we were contacted from otherworldly beings, but the one shots you made were more than the things that happened in real life. Horror is your genre (as you've stated in your foreword that you love reading horro and suspense stories) but try to think of horror stories that are realistic and scary at the same time. I'm sure that it will gain a lot more attention from the readers.

Language: (11/20)

I was only able to correct one chapter, but since most of your mistakes were like the ones in this chapter, I chose to use this specific chapter as an example instead.

Errors:

Chapter 1: Extra Companion

-         "Hmm, arasseo. Bye" A pretty girl with sweats on her forhead just ending her conversation on the phone.

(“Hmm arasseo, bye.” A pretty girl with sweat dripping down her forehead just ended her conversation on the phone.)

-         She glanced to the clock that pinned on the wall up to the posters.

(She took a glance at the wall clock that was pinned on the wall, on top of the posters.)

-         She decided to packed her thing up and headed to the shower room following her team-mate.

(She decided to pack her things up and head to the shower room, following her team mate.)

-         "Dara eonni, who is it?" one of her team-mate with a short hair asked her as she placed her sutff on the chair.

(“Dara eonni, who was that?” one of her team mate, with short hair, asked her as he placed her stuff on the chair.)

-         "Oh it's Cheon Deong. He asking my permition to bring his friends to our house. Study in a group he said" Dara answered, smiling.

(“Oh it’s Cheon Deong. He was asking my permission to bring his friends to the house. He told me that they were gonna study there.” Dara answered with a smile on her face.)

-         "You're little brother? That cute cheon deong?" she asked again excitedly.

(“Your little brother, that cute Cheon Deong?” she asked again, feeling excited.)

-         Yeah, you're right Minzy."

(“Yeah, you’re right Minzy.”)

-         She is preparing to be an idol in Korean.

(She’s preparing to be an idol in Korea.)

-         She has been practicing singing and dancing with her teammate Chae Rin, Boom, and Minzy, the youngest girl with the short hair. And she wasn't alone that pursuing a dream to be a star, her little brother, Cheon Deong was also doing the same, he was in the middle of training in one of the biggest idols company.

(She had been singing and dancing with her teammates: Chae Rin, Bom, and Minzy, the youngest who had short hair. However, she wasn’t the only one who pursued the dream to be a star. Her little brother, Cheon Deong was also doing the same; he was in the middle of training in one of the biggest idol companies.)

-         He was still young and still in high school.

(He was still young and is currently studying in high school.)

-         And that day was his first time asking his noona for bringing up his friends to study together at home.

(That was the first time he asked his noona to bring his friends to study together at their home.)

-         She allowed him easily. And she also promised to buy them a snacks and ice cream.

(She allowed him to group study at their home, and also promised to buy them snacks and ice cream.)

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