Review for chaniel // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Love (Completed, one-shot)

Title:

Well, apparently the title is also the story's theme so I don't like it's an interesting or an original story title. Moreover, it's part of a complilation of a one-shot so I wouldn't comment too much on the title. Still, I believe if you would to replace the title to something else, it would defintely feel special. The title was way too simple, uninteresting and very broad. A title related to being bold in love would be lovely. 

Overall Appearance:

For overall appearance, I think you did great in deciding the main font and style of wordings you use was perfect. It's classy yet simple, extrememly pleasing to read.

Plot:

At first, I thought it's going to be a without plot, but guess what? There's a plot in it even though it's so short! When the plot about Chunji wanting Daniel but won't be left alone, I was smilling. When they're finally left alone together, I smirked. When the action came in, I was blushing. I was really impressed at how you managed to deliver the plot effortlessly in such a short length. When I was scrolling through the story to get a idea on the length of the one-shot, a sigh escaped from my mouth. I expected it to be terrible and uneffecteive and boring but you delievered well!

The ending of the story, though, was the best factor/part of the story to me. That unsettling but hopeful ending. I'm surprised you actually took a chance and made an original ending instead of ending it up happily with both of them end up together. I really like the ambiguaity you leave the readers! I probably can't think of a btter ending than yours. I also really like how you added Byunghyun and Ricky in the story make it more complex in a good way. 

It's as though there's a lot more than just a simple love story with a as a bonus. There's friendship, everyone -blocking, a one-sided love and the "affair". Completely love the story's plot!

There is something I want to voice out though, I actually realized you that you didn't write who's point of view you're writing in. I was so confuse and by the time I got to the middle, still no revealation on who's point of view it is. I scrolled up back to the chapter and realized the pairing (Chunniel) and so I kind of infer that it's in Chunji's point of view. You can always reveal the point of view indirectly, for example, "Chunji-ah, let's go out for a walk.'' That way you can reveal that you're writing in Chunji's point of view but that's the only part that I hope you can try to add earlier in the story. 

Language:

There isn't any major error in the story or anything but there's a few typo and some sentences that could be phrase differently in a better and less confusing way. It feels werid to read in a present tense but I think you did well for it. I still believe that your past tense stories are much more easier and more enjoyable to read. 

Why does he have to be so friendly with others? Can't he see I want some time alone with him?

(Why does he have to be so friendly with everyone? Can't (who) feel/sense that I want some alone time with (who)?

> he Who? Write his name down because everyone in the story is male = he

"Wanna watch a movie?" Ricky asks, and I can't help roll my eyes, and he sees.

("Wanna watch a movie?" Ricky asks, and I can't help but roll my eyes.)

Why did he have to walk in?

(Why does he have to walk in now and disrupt the atmosphere?)

Seriously, they have to be so lovey dovey in public?

(Seriously, do they have to be so lovey dovey even in public?)

I don't feel like leaving the couple alone to be even more intimate and I state so, only not in those words. "I wanted to watch a movie,'' I say.

(I don't want to leave them alone for them to be even more intimate together so I