Review for aisssh // By: Michiusa

Title and Story Link:

The Good Guy (Completed one-shot )

Title: (6/10)

The title wasn't the most appropriate for your story because I didn't get the sense of how he was a good guy. It was briefly mentioned in the description then at the very end where he actually says I'm actually not a good guy. A title such as Hypocrite or maybe Two Faced Man would have worked better.

Overall Appearance: (9/10)

You kept it neat and simple, which is fine. There's not much to say about this part except is the review meant to be that small? It's hardly noticeable.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

I felt you revealed too much of the plot. Basically you summarized your whole story into two sentences. Luhan's a good guy and he has to leave his girl. I do however question why you wrote people are pitying him. He's the one that left his girlfriend. So why is it that they should pity him, it was after all him who wanted to break up.

You're foreword was good, just gave enough to bring the readers in.

Plot: (14/20) 

Your plot isn't exactly original. There have been plenty of men who dumped their woman for another. It's good that you did add a little twist at the end with Luhan's confession of being a jerk. At least he ackowledges that he's not a good guy.

To match your title, you definitely could have went into more detail of how he was a good guy. Or in this case how others view him as a good guy. How does he know that they view him that way.

Language: (18/20)

Your language overall was great. There weren't any major errors. Just two places where I felt another word would fit better.

-"Sure, do you have a ride?" I asked, wishing she didn't.

("Sure, do you have a ride?" I asked, hoping she didn't.)

Wishing is not a wrong word, but hoping would be a better word choice.