Review for lissamary // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

The Last Petal (Completed one-shot)

Title: (19/20)

I thought the title suits the story really well. It gives off a angst and regretful feeling and it hold such a significant part to the storyline as the flower also represents their love for each other. The idea of naming the flower was really charming and cute and I loved how you coroprated the idea of having the flower represent thier r/s. It's also wonderful that you explained the title meaning in the description and constantly in the story. 

Overall Appearance: (4/5)

I loved the poster and the overall appearance of the story. The way you structed the d/f page was great as well, you decorated the description really well and it made the words stand out. Especially the description part and the diary date in orange. The background picture was relevant as it sort of represent Sera's diary. But also be very careful with the constant changing font and style in the story as you need to have a distinct change between Lay's pov and the diary's pov, I feel that since you changed so often, it can be really weird especially when they're so different drastically. 

Description and Foreword: (16/20)

The content of the description was slightly off for me. All three sentences did not flow smoothly and it feels rather weird. The seperation made him burts into tears but enough to make it all over? I couldn't grasp the meaning at all. Perhaps you can say that the seperation made by Lay and was regretted by Lay himself? Something that could pull readers in and make them understand in the subtle way. The short entry of Sera's diary in the description was the best, it made me curious and interested in the story. 

The foreword was slightly messy and the credition too as well, you can reorganize it slighlty to make it short and clean.

Plot: (19/30)

The plot kind of lacks a few major parts and there's quite a lot of holes in the story because of how fast-paced the story is especially it's all in one chapter. The story starts with Lay missing Sera and with her scent in the room that is hurting him, so far, great introduction and it's interesting. And he decided to read through Sera's diary which inroduce how they meet and how their r/s developed and which also explained how she feel when Lay ''left''. 

I liked how readers are able to see both sides pov clearly but I feel that the disadvage of doing so is readers can't focus on the main pov. I feel that Lay's pov and feelings and thoughts should be more voiced out throughout the story. 

When it gets to the part which I thought was the conflicts, the conflicts isn't strong enough. The conflict about Lay's mother rejecting Sera was pretty good but it was really short, the conflict about Lay leaving Sera also hold great potential to be a satisfying story conflict but it was really explained and written (in other words, it was really short and didn't held much significance to the story) but the highlight of the story was Sera's death. Her death wasn't much either, if it should be painful and to leave Lay to regret, it would be great to see how her death was somehow contributed by Lay. The best and my favorite part of the plot was when Sera got into an accident and she lost the ability to really use her right hand. I thought that was really a great twist to the story and it pained me to read that because she's a fashion designer student/graduate afterall.

Originality: (14/20)

There isnt' much orignality in Lay leaving Sera only to become better so he can be good enough for her but you do have some really good original point in the story. I thought Sera being a fashion designer and losing her hand was spark a lot of orignaility if delivered well and also I liked how the story was told in Sera's pov and also Lay's pov.

Language: (15/20)

There was some errors I found in the story but most of them are small and possible typos. Most importantly, I feel that sometimes a lot of the seperated sentences could be joined instead of being seperated into two short sentences so do take note.

I was extremely scared thus making me panicked and I couldn’t even think properly.

(I was extremely scared and it's making me panic and I couldn’t even think properly.)