Review for VIP611 // Reviewed by: pilsuk123

Title and Story link:  

Amnesia (Completed one-shot)

Title: (12/20)

This may be already obvious so I'm sorry to start off by saying that there's no originality in the title. It doesn't stand out from the rest and there's probably hundreds of story in aff that either have the exact title or similar title as 'Amnesia'. I can understand why you chose to go with it though, it's simple, it's related to the story and it highlight the main problem of the story which is suffering from amnesia. I can't say that it's a ideal title because it's a waste to have a great story going on but people missed the story because of it's title but since it relates to the story well and has a strong connection of belongings with the story and the title, it's actually not too bad. If you would to try to add in a strong and unique and special word in the title, it would've been perfect. An extremely lousy example from me would be - 'Imperative Amnesia' or 'Longings of the past'. Very lousy examples but I hope you get my drift here which is try to stand out from the other hundreds of story with similar titles.

Overall Appearance: (3/5)

I loved your poster (it looks great and it has that empty angst feel to it!), I loved the font you used, I loved the style you are going with (the red bolded sentences throughout the story made such an impact) and everything else EXCEPT the size of the words. The whole time I was reading, I can't help but ask why! In google chrome, I had to zoomed into 150% to feel comfortable reading. The size you used was too small for the font, was it size 10 that you used? I'll recommend going for at least a size 12 for most font style so that readers wouldn't need to strain their eyes to read them.

Description and Foreword: (13/20)

The other important aspects in a story other than its title is its description. If the title isn't perfect or idea, the description is suppose to save the story and pull readers in! However, for me, I felt that the description fell short. It doesn't sound interesting or neither does it make an impact to readers. If I'm a reader, I would've skiped this wonderful story because I thought that it's going to be one typical and boring story about amnesia. The difficult thing about short story description is that if it's short, it has to be near perfect and suitable. The description you wrote was exactly as the poster's quote and it doesn't feel special or interesting. Even though it's a one-short and one-shot description is suppose to be kept short and sweet and never to reveal too much, your description reveals too little. It's not enough to make it interesting enough to convince readers to go on and read it.

I think a longer and rather lengthy description for this story would be most suitable because there's so much you could have written for the description to make it stand out more because to be honest, this story is worth it. At least, the page is neatly organized. But again, the description font size is way too small.

Plot: (28/30)

Here comes the juicy part of the review - plot. To be really honest, I didn't want to expect much from this story because from it's title and description, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I was prepared to read a boring, typical, sappy love story of missing memories from one of the main character and the other main character will try to make him remember his memories again and it goes on. It was close but I was blown away by many surprising way that you've decided to go with the story.

Firslty, I'm impressed that you decided to start off the story with Jonghyun already not remembering. If you were to start from their romantic relationship part before the accident, it's going to make the story so slow and boring but you start off on the right track. I couldn't imagine starting the story in any other better way than what you chose to go with.

Secondly, the body of the story. I loved every part of it, every single part of it. Not only did you kept the main complication of the story with Jonghyun suffering from amnesia, but you added more complications into the story to keep it interesting and enjoyable! The other complications such as how it looks bleak that Jonghyun is never going to get back his memories, how Jonghyun refers to everything that the old him used to be as someone else, how Key doesn't give up, how Jonghyun seems to hate Key and his voice rather than loving him and more! Throughout the story, you kept it engaging for the readers and I can't seem to stop reading. I thought that the idea of them making love together was a genius one. I was probably not breathing because of it. It was y but more importantly I think it showed many different things at the same time. For example, Key's desperation for the old Jonghyun, Jonghyun feeling bad towards Key and how it make Jonghyun finally realizes that maybe he'll never be the old Jonghyun back and that he wants to lead a new life without any trace of the 'old' Jonghyun. I loved that part, it was probably my favorite scene in the story that was original, y, fresh and moving.

Lastly, the ending. THIS is my favorite part of the story. I'm sure I'm not the only one that reads the story and feel that they're obliged to stay together at the end because it's suppose to be that way but you surprised me with a twist. You did not end it the way the majority would want it to end. Instead, you twists the ending and it made the story even more special that it already is. I'm so thankful that you decided to make it slightly regretful for the ending and more importantly - not a cliche ending to a story. It gives a touch of realism and less fluffy perfect endings.

Originality: (14/20)

Admittedly you have a few parts/scenes in the story that was interesting and original, the overall main plot of Amnesia was overrated. If you would to focus the story more on the original aspects, such as the ending and the love-making scene part, the story would've been mor