Review for Beka931215 // Reviewed by: caffeine_kiss

Title and Story link:

Secret Of The Moon [First One] (Completed, with 43 chapters)

Title: (7/10)

When I first read the title, I found it really unique and interesting. It made me interested in the story and I was thinking about all that could happen; like what secret would the moon be harbouring. Unfortunately, the title was not really linked to the story. I felt that the only 'secret' was only that the humans with wolf blood would change into wolves during the full moon period. It would have been better if there was another 'secret' in the story, but nonetheless thumbs up for the unique title! 

Overall Appearance: (10/10)

I really really love the layout of the story. Everything is really neat and the fonts and size were just right too. I reallty loved the poster too, but I felt that jaehee's eyes were a little too creepy. I know that the yellow eyes are the colour of her eyes when she's a wolf but if I'm not wrong when she's human her eyes are normal, it kind of confused me a little as I was wondering if she had yelow eyes in the first place. The background is really pretty too although it would be better if it was a different coour from the poster.

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

The description was a little disorganised. Firstly, you were using Jaehee's pov to introduce the story, then after leaving a few blanks, you wrote the story in the narrator's pov. This makes the descrption confusing to readers as they would be wondering in who's point of view you would be writing the story in. 

Mistakes found:

Supposedly they are people, like you or me, who change during a full moon.

(Supposedly they are people, like you and me, but they change during a full moon.)

They change from being human to being a wolf. 

(They change from their human form to their wolf form.)

Not the ones like you see in movies that are covered in hair have sharp teeth but can still walk like a person; I mean actual wolves, like wild dogs.

(Not the wolves that you see in movies that are covered in hair, have sharp teeth but can still walk like a normal human; I mean actual wolves, like wild dogs.)

Plot: (15/20)

I have to say that the story's plot has two common storyline. Firstly, a popular guy who starts to fall in love with a "low class" girl and the "queenka" would get jealous, secondly it would be the werewolf conept. It was a good idea to combine these two concepts/storyline, and I really liked the way this story is written.

I did find some parts of the story unrealistic though. Firstly, in the story you keep mentioning that Yoona has guitar lessons and Ailee had Vocal lessons during curiculum time. Uhm, I'm not really sure if this happenes in your school but from what I know, these extra activities do not crash with school hours. 

Secondly, in the 'Prolouge' chapter, you mentioned that Yoona is in the year as Hyuna who is a year older than you, thus if this is so, Yoona should not be in the same class as Jaehee.

To be honest, I find that Yoona was a little too smart in the story. If I were her I would not think aboout the moon immediately when Jaehee said that they skipped lessons. It would have made more sense if you said that after a long time of observation, you found out that they behaved weirdly once every month which then lead to Jaehee and Yoona researching on things that happen motnthly and then they slowly realise that EXO-K behaving weirdlyis linked the full moons and moons. 

I really like your style of writing especially the 2nd chapter when you start of with the nightmare. It really interested me for as to what would happen. Do keep up the great work! :)))

Language: (17/20)

Your vocoabulary throughout the story was good, there were barely any mistakes spooted, unfortunately the problem lies with your grammar and sentence structures and I really hope you could change