Review for iLuvYesung  // Reviewed by: michiusa

Title and Story link:

EXO-B.A.P.: Ghost-Busters Edition (Completed, reviewed with 13 chapters)

Title: (9/10)

The title you choose is a great fit and you did choose it based on the fact they are acting like ghost busters although I'm no sure if you should include the EXO-BAP. Not all of the members were included in the story so it can be a little misleading plus it can be put in the tags.

Overall Appearance: (7/10)

I really liked the poster, it had the eerie feeling that your supposed to get with the comedy/mystery genre you are going for. One thing I would suggest is taking out Chen in the bigger picture because I felt Chen really didn't have that much scene for most of the chapters, plus I think Baekhyun had a lot more lines than Chen so it would make more sense if you just had Tao and HimChan.

And what is HimChan wearing that poster? XD It looks like an apron/jail clothes

Description and Foreword: (9/10)

Your description is really good, it captures my attention. And gave a general idea of your style of writing. They're in a haunted house yet there's definitely a lot of room for humor. 

The foreword is great too and it makes the reader wonder why in his in a pink skirt and Him Chan isn't even bothered by it.

Plot: (18/20)

I think the plot is definitely great. I haven't seen the movie ghostbusters, so as far as I'm aware this story is definitely your own. And it seems so like Tao to be the one to drag people of into the building just because it was cheap. It was really entertaining to watch a bunch of amateurs being led by the crazy Tao in trying to get rid of a ghost.Your funny misadventures tied in nicely overall with the whole story.

I especially enjoyed the fact that the team tried to exorcise the girl based on the Tao's whim. And the stuff they got instead of what Tao got for them lol.

Language: (18/20)

I loved your language, it all flowed so nicely. Your range of vocabulary really kept each of your scenes unique and helped create an image in my mind as to what they were doing. There were only a few mistakes which I think if you look over it again, you'll know what they are.

Misspelling

-“Are you sure we’re at the right place?” Daehyun asked sceptically, looking at the creepy mansion before them. Lightning cracked behind them from a distance. 

(“Are you sure we’re at the right place?” Daehyun asked skeptically, looking at the creepy mansion before them. Lightning cracked behind them from a distance. )

-The hair dye gave it an interesting flavour.

(The hair dye gave it an interesting flavor.)

-“Does anyone realise what could happen if I let go?”

(“Does anyone realize what could happen if I let go?”)

Verb tense

-Baek Hyun flinched violently, accidentally kicked Chan Yeol in the head, and successfully managed to bring down the remaining three members to the ground in an epic explosion of dust.

(Flinching violently, Baek Hyun accidentally kicked Chan Yeol in the head, and successfully managed to bring down the remaining three members to the ground in an epic explosion of dust.)

Since everyone is standing I think punching would be more believable than kicking, unless you mention Chanyeol falling.

Passive voice:

-There were other words written on it, but they were hidden by the encrusted dirt. 

(There were other words written on it, but it was hidden by the encrusted dirt. )

-“Heck, all I want to do is to get out of this weather and get into that nice Jacuzzi you promised.” Him Chan declared, brandishing his iced Americano coffee in his right hand.

(“Heck, all I want to do is to get out of this weather and get into that nice Jacuzzi you promised.” Him Chan declared to Tao, brandishing his iced Americano coffee in his right hand.)

Since there are so many of them, you should point out who is talking to who.

-And it was a hidden fear. Which he hid. By drinking coffee

(It was a hidden fear, which he hid well...by drinking coffee.)

-The mansion looked like something out of Black Butler (pre-Sebastian), with curling vines growing up