Review for TheOneKhadijah  // Reviewed by: michiusa

Title and Story link:  

I'm Bulletproof  (Completed, reviewed with 6 chapters)

Title: (18/20)

I really like the title and it definitely fits the crime/mystery you have set out to write. The only suggestion I would make is using the title Bulletproof would be enough as a title. So far I haven't figured out how the title is incorporated into the story.

Overall Appearance: (3/5)

The appearance of your story was kept neat and simple which is fine but I would have liked a picture. Just so I can picture what Skye looks like in my mind. Currently, I'm imagining Skye from S.H.I.E.L.D., it's a crimeish American show if you haven't seen it. 

Description and Foreword: (10/20)

I liked the fact you gave an overview of the story but I think you gave too much details away. The whole point of descriptions is to write a summary that makes want the reader read more. Not give most of your plot away. Rather than what you have I recommend something like. 

Kris and Skye are set out to catch the jewelry and bank thieves aka Troublemakers. What will happen on their race to capture these criminals, will sparks fly or will it be the end of their career?

It would have been great if you included a scene from your story to the foreword, it's not required but it gives the readers a glimpse of what's to come and hopefully capture their attention. Remember if the readers aren't interested by what they see on the front page, the likeliness of them coming back for more is slim. 

Plot: (13/30)

The plot is very interesting. I don't think mystery/crime solving stories are written a lot so kudos to you. I especially like the idea of the troublemaker thieves. They sound so interesting. I enjoyed the fact that through the old man you were able to kind of explain the troublemaker's actions. I also really liked that you included some normal procedures of solving a crime such as checking the videos. This is what made the story feel realistic to more. 

I'm rather disappointed with the ending, and found it unrealistic how easily Kris and Skye were easy to find the troublemakers and take them down when others have spent months looking for them. And I'm not sure how I feel about them getting married at three months. Seems so rushed. I doubt anyone in real life would get married that fast.

Originality: (15/20)

The plot in general is very unique, and I think you did a good job making it like a real crime mystery. I wished you could have included more details though to make your stand out more, such as writing one of Troublemaker's heist. Or more of the grueling process that the detectives have to go through in order to find them. 

The idea of the two characters falling in love so easily to be very predictable and unrealistic. And it also seems rather cliche for them to discover or reveal their feelings when one is hurt.

Language: (18/20)

Overall, your sentences made sense and the range of vocabulary you