The hardest thing to do is ignore the one you love, to pretend that you don’t care about her and try to forget everything in a snap. I was about to go to her office after the press conference, to check on her but while I was waiting for the elevator, I saw her with Railey. She looked shocked when she saw me and I can see that her eyes were fresh from crying. It broke my heart that I cannot even look at her, it crushed me whenever I remember her sad face and it kills me everytime I see her in pain. Now, with my decision of backing away from her and letting her go, I know it’ll hurt her more, I’m sure of that, but this is the only way to get her out of my chaotic world.

I cannot bear to leave her in the dark, not knowing the reason why I have to leave but this is the only way to make myself accept that she’s not for me and I think this is also good for her.

“Hyung! Why did you leave the party? _________ was looking for you” maknae said when he and the members entered the studio. Seriously? When did Seungri became so insensitive?

“Aahh..Youngbae! Just  take a rest for a while then we’ll start with your recording” I shifted their attention.

“Jiyong-ah…we know what you are feeling right now…no need to hide it…you can talk to us” Young settled in his seat and looked at me.

“Youngbae hyung is right…we will listen to you hyung” Daesung said and he gave out a bright smile that lighten my mood a little.

“I don’t want to hurt her…anymore” I told them.

“Hurt her? You haven’t done anything” TOP hyung said looking confused.

“Did you saw her awhile ago when she’s having a hard time and struggling to answer the press’ questions about the rumors? I realized that she won’t be happy if she will be with me…I mean…just look at my past relationships….none of the girls lasted and it’s all because they can’t take everything that’s been going on in my world…in our world” I explained  with a shaky voice.

“Jiyong…I know that I’m not in the right position to give an advice…but…._______ is a good girl…and as you’ve said…. She is one of a kind….what if she can handle everything and can face the consequences of dating you? What I’m saying is…you should give her a chance” Youngbae said as a tear already fell down my cheek.

“I’m afraid to hurt her …she’s been through a lot of pain and being with me will just give her tons of pain and problems” I told them as I wiped my tears.

This is the first time that I cried over a girl. I’ve been in relationships before, but I’ve never cried. I do get sad but never really cried. My longest relationship lasted for 2 years and when we broke up, I’ve never even shed a tear nor heard myself talk with a shaky voice.

However, ________ is really different. I’ve found the things that I want in a woman in her. I’ve even pictured myself being her husband and us building a family of our own. I’ve never wanted a girl so bad and all the while I thought that perfect girl can handle the craziness of my showbiz world but she can’t and it hurts me.

I went to sleep with a heavy heart and woke up feeling the same. I don’t know what will this day be like. A day without seeing her beautiful face and hearing her voice is torture. Right this very moment, I am dying to see her. Will I be able to stand by my decision to distance myself and completely avoid her? AISH! I’m going crazy!

“Jiyong-ah! Are you ready to leave now?” Youngbae asked.

“Ne….I’ll be out in a sec” I answered and quickly wore my shoes.

“OH! Daryl is calling me” Seungri said when we entered the van.

“Yah! Why didn’t you pick up?: Youngbae asked him.

“It ended when I was about to pick up” maknae explained.

“Oh! She messaged me” maknae shouted again.

“What did she say?” TOP hyung asked.

“Hyung…I called her awhile ago to ask if we have a schedule with the magazine team today” he answered.

“Then?” Youngbae asked when he stopped.

“And then…I asked how was _________” upon hearing Seungri mentioning her name, I woke up and listened to him intently.

“How was she?” TOP hyung asked.

“Her only reply is…terrible…that’s it” maknae continued.

Terrible? Now I’m afraid and I’m dead worried about her. I don’t know if I can go on with my plan the moment I see her, but I keep on telling myself that I need to, because it’s for her own happiness.

When we arrived at the building, I became really anxious. Daryl’s answer on how she was, caused me to worry a lot. I know I’ll just watch her from afar now but, I’ll try my best to help her move on and somehow forget about me.

We head to the dance studio for we are getting ready for our comeback. My mind is not focused on dancing for I get mistakes all the time. After hours of rehearsing, we took a break and Cho hee noona showed up in the studio. What is she doing here? Please, don’t tell me that something bad happened to ____________.

“Jiyong!” Cho hee noona came up to me.

“Oh! Noona…why are you here?” I asked in confusion.

“aahh..madam wants me to give you this” she handed me an envelope.

What is this for? Why does she have to send me something?

“She left a note inside…to explain what’s in the envelope” she said as I opened it.

G-dragon,

These