12-22-12

186th day in Seoul.

I got to thinking about relationships, there are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that brings up a lot of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back.

I woke up with a weird feeling once again, G-dragon is in Japan and he will be back on the 24th. He and the boys are filming a music video there and it has been 3 days since I last saw him and it feel like he’s been away for 3 years already!

I’ve been very uncomfortable and nauseous for days and I’m bugged by it. I am already having thoughts that I might be pregnant again.

As I wait for the results of the pregnancy test (I want to check in first using the test cards), I’m feeling so anxious and my nerves are shooting up. I already have a feeling that it will be positive coz I’ve been feeling so weird for days now and it’s the symptoms that I felt during my first pregnancy. I’m preparing myself for whatever result that the test will say.

*let’s hear it for my boyfriend…let’s hear it for my boyfriend*

“Hello?” I answered.

“Baby girl!” G-dragon called sweetly.

“Babe! How are you?” I asked cheerfully.

“I’m tired…we just got home from the filming…how about you?” he answered.

“I’m good but I have to work today…we’re going to check the printing of the magazine” I said.

“Just be careful OK? Don’t tire yourself too much…I miss you already…I wasn’t able to sleep for nights because you’re not beside me” he said and I suddenly felt sad.

“Same here babe…I swear! I even need to spray your perfume on your pillows just to have your scent but still…it’s different” I said and he laughed.

“Don’t’ worry…I’ll be there in 2 days…we’ll spend the whole day sleeping” he said and I laughed.

“Baby girl…Omma called me yesterday…and she asked me the most random question of all” he said while laughing.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Well…she wants you to live with them” he said and I froze in shock.

“Really? What did you tell her?” I asked.

“I told her that it’s going to be hard…of course if you’re going to live there…I also need to move in with you” he said and I giggled.

“Then let’s go! I’m sure you’re mom really miss seeing you everyday” I told him and he smirked.

“I like the thought also but it’s complicated…their house is far from the YG building and baby girl…it’s still good to have our own house…and I’m sure that once we live there…you…Omma and Dami-unni will be inseparable…I’m sure that you will spend so much time with them…and you’re going to have a little time for me” he said and I rolled my eyes because of his immaturity.

“I’m actually expecting you to reason that out…Kwon Jiyong! It’s really a good thing that Omma and Appa are saying these things…it’s actually rare to find in-laws like them” I said and he giggled.

“It feels so good hearing you call my parents Omma and Appa…I feel like we’re really married” he said and I felt my face burn.

“Truth is…I feel like I’m married as well” I said and a smile appears on my face.

“I’m telling you…just give me a go signal and I’ll call my lawyer right away to arrange your papers then we can get married already” he said seriously.

I don’t know but I’m really picturing G-dragon as my husband. A part of me wants to get married already, after all, our families go along with each other so well and we are both close to them. If it weren’t for our jobs and our unsolved problems, we will certainly be married by now.

“Babe…I’m sure that we’ll get there soon…OK? For now…let’s not think about it…wait…do you a schedule later?” I asked.

“It’s our rest day...but we will go out with our managers later…because one of our managers wife already gave birth awhile ago and he wants to celebrate it” he answered and I suddenly remembered the pregnancy test that I did awhile ago.

While G-dragon is telling a story, I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. I closed my eyes while reaching for the test card and once I got a hold of it, I slowly opened my eyes and got shocked of what I saw.

“OH !” I shouted in shock upon seeing two clear red lines.

“Baby girl? What happened?” G-dragon asked worriedly.

Oh ! Can someone slap me and tell me that I’m not dreaming? My mind is totally scattered all over the place and I feel like I’m going to faint. I can’t believe this!

“_______! Baby girl!” G-dragon shouted again and I snapped out to my senses.

“Babe? I’ll call you later…OK?” I said.

“What’s wrong? Why do you sound so nervous?” he asked curiously.

“Huh? Nothing…I just realized that I’m running late for work…and I need to prepare now” I told him.

“OK…call me once you’re free…I miss you….I love you” he said sweetly.

“I miss you and I love you so much babe…rest well” I replied and quickly hanged up.

I can’t believe it! I’M PREGNANT! How will I break this news to G-dragon? To my family? To his family? To President YG? To my friends and s? And most especially, to the people? Oh my! This is totally crazy!

With the test card in hand, I immediately booked for an appointment with my gynecologist (she’s President YG’s friend and she was the one who took care of me during my miscarriage so no need to hide anything, she knows that G-dragon is my boyfriend and she’s really on our side).

OK. I have an hour to prepare before the appointment. I’ll think of ways on how to tell G-dragon about this. I know that he will be really happy about it but I’m not sure if the people around us will. I’m nervous of what might happen and I’m really praying that everything will be alright.

After my bath, I scanned my closet for a pregnant friendly outfit. I know that wearing high heels is a big No-no for pregnant women so I have no choice but to wear flats. I chose my Neon Hart shirt, Diane Von Furstenberg leggings, Leslie flats and matched it with Fendi bag and Nina Bukvic earrings. I tied my hair into a messy bun and I’m ready!

I drove myself to the clinic. I’m being careful not to be seen going in the hospital for people might make another rumor and that’s not what I need for now. As much as possible, I want to hide my pregnancy to people first.

“Good Morning Ms. _________” the doctor greeted.

“Good Morning” I replied.

“What can I do for you?” she asked and I felt silent all of a sudden.

Isn’t it weird to tell her that I’m pregnant again? I mean, it’s only been months since my miscarriage and here I am again, about to tell her that I’m pregnant the second time around.

“uhmm…I want to know if I’m pregnant” I told her nervously.

“Have you checked with a home pregnancy test already?” she asked and I nod.

“It says positive…I just want to double check it” I told her and she smiled at me.

“OK…we’ll check it using your blood this time” she said and I nod.

After they got my blood sample, they told me to wait for a few minutes and I suddenly realized that I was able to enter the hospital alone. I think I’ve overcome my trauma ever since I was hospitalized months ago.

“_________...we already have your results” she said and my heart started beating so fast.

“What does it say?” I asked nervously.

“Congratulations! The results are positive…you’re going to be a mom soon!” she said cheerfully and I am speechless, I can’t even move a muscle.

“Is….is that true?” I asked and she laughed.

“It is…I know that it’s somewhat unbelievable and overwhelming because  you’re a first time mother…but this is all true…wait…I’ll show you your baby via ultra sound” she said and I nod.

I cannot believe that I’m experiencing this. As the doctor looks for the little embryo, my heart is pounding so hard and I can’t breathe so well.

“You’re 4 weeks pregnant...here is your little one” she said and I started doing my calculations.

Gosh! I cannot