June 16, 2013

Love able’s us to feel our best and our worst. We rely on someone so much, need someone, want someone and have someone for sometime which allows us to feel like we are living a dream. But nothing ever lasts and when it ends, there is nothing more painful because at least if you break a bone, it will heal. When you love someone and you love them with your heart, it never disappears. When you’re apart and when you love someone and you’ve done all you can, you set them free. And if that love was true….when you love someone, it will all come back to you.

If G-dragon and I are still together, I’m sure that he will spend this whole day with me. Today is supposed to be our first year anniversary, the day when I said yes to him at Café Isabella, the day when I finally opened my heart and risked everything for love.  It hurts to think that this will be an ordinary day to me now, he’s not here and it’s been 6 months already.

My day started with my daily walking exercise with my dogs Fifi and Schu (mum and dad brought them here in America to keep me company) after 20 minutes, I’ll go back and rest for a while before eating breakfast. I can already cook the basics, I don’t burn hotdogs and bacons anymore and my sunny side up’s are almost perfect (I can crack an egg using one hand, a skill that I’ve practiced for months). Whenever I cook I’ll always remember G-dragon’s mom, she was the one who introduced me to cooking and she patiently taught me how to open the stove and she was the first person who believed in my cooking. I miss G-dragon’s family so much.

After eating breakfast, I started with the laundry. Before, when I was in Korea, the girls and I will have a helper and she was the one doing our laundry, now that I’m all alone and I don’t want to bother my mum to do the laundry (as if she knows how to), I decided to do it and now, I’m a pro.

*let’s hear it for my boyfriend…let’s hear it for my boyfriend*

“Hello?” I answered.

“SIS!” Daryl shouted and it really hurt my eardrum.

“SIS! What’s up?” I asked cheerfully.

It’s already midnight in Korea by now, why is she still awake? Gosh! If she’s calling because she’s drunk and she randomly dialed a number, I’ll really kill her.

“I’m fine…I just want to check on you” she said and I smiled.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“Well…here at Big Bang’s studio…Railey and I are hanging out here… Jiyong and TOP are recording songs for their upcoming album” she answered and upon hearing G-dragon’s name, my heart beats faster.

“I see…but why is it so quiet in there? I mean…are they on a break?” I asked again.

“Yeah…actually…Jiyong is treating us for some pizza…he’s weird today I’m telling you…he’s been celebrating something…I don’t know” she answered.

“What is he celebrating?” I pretended to not know.

So, we’re doing the same thing. I’m planning to treat mum and dad for dinner later to celebrate our first year together. I know that what I’m doing is a little weird and once again stupid but I just want to celebrate our love.

“We were thinking that it’s your anniversary…but he told us that he even can’t remember your first year anniversary so maybe it’s something else” she answered and I felt a wave of sadness.

Fine! So maybe I’m just the one being weird because I’m still celebrating our relationship’s first year even though we’ve already broken up months ago and I have to stop assuming that he’s still thinking of me all these months.

“uhmm…where is he?” I can’t help but ask.

“He’s on his throne…of course” she said.

He’s working and if I’m not mistaken, he’s listening to their recorded music using a headphone. 

“Are you sure that he’s not hearing you?” I asked nervously.

I know that Daryl is sometimes careless (well not sometimes, always) and if he’s hearing her now, I’m sure that he already know that I’m on the other line.

“He’s not…he’s listening to their songs” she answered and I sighed in relief.

“So what’s going on there? Update me!” I asked excitedly and she giggled.

“Well…Railey is already promoted as the new Creative director after that ty woman got fired…the magazines doing well and the whole group is missing you…wait…I should be the one asking you for updates…dummy!” she said and I laughed.

“hmm…updates? In terms of my life here in New York…it’s really kinda sad…I’m all alone in my apartment and it’s really scary at night…I’m still crying myself to sleep sometimes but it’s all good…I’m still sad but I’ve realized that I can’t do anything already…it’s been months since the whole crazy break up happened and I really think that this is slowly coming out well…as for my pregnancy…I’ll be going to my doctor for a checkup later this afternoon…I was too lazy to go last week…Isabella’s doing good and she’s one big baby” I said cheerfully and Daryl giggled.

“I can’t wait to see her…I swear! Isabella will be one spoiled brat…so watch out” she said and I laughed.

“Please sis…I don’t want my daughter to be like us…we’re brats and you know so well how hard it is to handle people like us…we’re a certified pain in the ” I said and she laughed.

“Here’s the pizza!” I heard Railey’s voice in the background.

“Sis! Do you want me to pass the phone to Railey? She’s already here” Daryl said.

“uhmm…just eat first and maybe I’ll call you guys later” I said.

“OK…I’ll tell her” she agreed.

The girls are really super close with Big Bang already, they treat each other like brothers and sisters (I don’t know but Daryl was telling me something about Railey and Taeyang having this “we like each other” thing).

“Oh gosh Isabella …mum’s so t