09-03-12

74th day in Seoul.

A mother’s joy begins when new life is stirring inside her, when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone. And a baby is an angel whose wings decrease while his legs increase. A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, home happier and the future worth living for.

Gosh! Time pass by so fast! A lot of things have happened in 2 months and I’m still waiting for a lot more. Last month has been a stress filled month. Problems here and there, relationship building and work. At last! YG RUNWAY is an official magazine here in Korea already and it’s been selling like hotcakes, our first issue has been out of stock on its first week and our second issue is already on process.

Mum and Dad left 2 days ago (they extended their visit and even went to Jeju Island with G-dragon’s parents). Our families are getting along so well but it’s still stressful. Work is still work for G-dragon and I, it’s been eating us alive and we rarely see each other. He’s with Big Bang in Japan right now and they are bound to come back tomorrow. It’s been a week and I’m missing him so damn much. I chose to stay with the girls in our apartment for I don’t want to be alone in his house.

I woke up because of my alarm, it’s Monday so my body is still having its weekend hang over but these past few weeks has been my laziest of all. I’m always tired and sleepy, I also eat a lot (I’m fond of eating Kimchi and pizza). I’m having a weird taste on food but it’s all good.

“Good Morning hot chick!” Daryl greeted upon seeing me (she’s been calling me a hot chick ever since the day after G-dragon’s birthday).

“Good Morning” I greeted back and went straight to the fridge to get some apple juice.

“Sis…is it just me or are you…gaining weight?” Railey asked me when I stood in front of her.

“Huh?” I asked.

“You know what…the sudden change on your eating habit is the culprit of your weight gain…you eat too much” Daryl said as I checked myself in the mirror.

“Really? I think my hormones are changing....my body is maturing or something like that” I said while checking my body in all angles.

“Can be” Railey said.

I find it weird. All my life, no matter how much I eat I don’t get fat easily and my body has been like this ever since.

“Should we hit the gym first before going to work?” I asked the girls.

“Sounds like a good idea!” Railey said and we gave each other high fives.

“OK…let’s prepare ourselves for some sweat work out” Daryl said and we all stood up from our seats and head to our rooms.

When I was taking a bath, a blood dropped on the floor once again. It happened to me before and I was thinking that it was because of my irregular period. My stomach cramps have been bugging me from time to time but it goes away after a few hours. I do pregnancy tests every week (I’ve already learned my lesson from the false alarm weeks ago) so I’m quite sure that it’s not some pregnancy symptoms.

After taking a bath, I went to my closet to choose my gym clothes and my outfit for the day. It’s starting to get really cold because the weather is already changing so, I don’t have a choice but to wear layered clothes or something thick. 

 When we arrived at the YG gym, we immediately started working out. We still have an hour and a half to spend here. I’ve decided to run on the treadmill for 20 minutes for I’m really in the mood to shed some sweat. I actually thought that I can do it but, in the middle of running, my stomach cramps are back again, causing me to stop right away.

The girls and I were dead beat the moment we went to our office and all we want to do is bum around but we can’t do that coz we have a lot of finalizations to do for the next magazine issue. I took a quick bath for I’ve sweat a lot and changed my clothes. 

“You know what? You should see a doctor already” Railey said while sitting on the couch in my office.

“I’m fine…don’t worry…maybe it’s just my period cramps” I told her and she hissed.

“Period cramps? Did you even had your period last month?” she asked.

“No…But this is just normal to me...it’s always been like this” I said and she shook her head.

“Sis…you should move on with that…tragic scene and just forget it…I mean…your hate for doctors is not doing any good” Railey said and I rolled my eyes at her.

“I don’t know…maybe I’ll have myself checked if I’m already dying or super ill” I said sarcastically.

“Seriously…that bleeding and stomach cramps can really be a sign that you’re pregnant” she said and I looked at her in disbelief.

“Oh gosh! Here we go again! I just took a test last Saturday and the blue line is so clear” I said and she sighed.

“Fine! But still…you have to see a doctor…I’m really worrying about your health” she said and I nod.

I don’t know if I’m going to do it but, maybe one of these days I will. I know that it’s really stupid of me to hate doctors and even have a trauma just because of a bad thing that happened years ago, but it’s just too hard to forget about how my friend died.

I have a meeting with President YG and some magazine executives later this afternoon and I’m really nervous about it. They are going to review the sales and the pro