August 30, 2013

From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.

I am feeling motherhood at its best! I’m sleep deprived and my whole routine is ruined. I’m not complaining but it’s just crazy! I am super happy that I’m home now with Isabella, she’s a wonderful baby and a very silent girl. She only cries when she’s hungry or whenever she wants some attention other than that, she’s always peaceful.

It’s been almost 2 weeks that I’m off without a baby bump and a real baby is rocking my world already. I swear! A baby can change everything even you’re body. For some unexplainable reasons my body is going back to its original form, I’ve read in books that post pregnancy is really depressing for there will be a lot of changes in your body but I guess it doesn’t apply to me. I’m still bleeding a lot and lactating is really an awkward thing but other than that, nothing. I still sore a lot but it’s all fine with me. I guess I’m really not normal.

I will meet up with the girls and Big Bang later this evening, I know that it’s not supposed to end up that way but I can’t do anything about it now since I promised them that I’ll be showing up. I hesitated at first but when G-dragon called me baby girl, my heart just said yes and I just voiced it out. I don’t know what will happen later, if things get a little all over the place, I might blurt out that I just gave birth and just let G-dragon know about Isabella but as much as possible I’m going to shut my mouth and just be the normal girl that I am.

I’ve declared war with Daryl and Railey after that incident but I can’t seem to be mad at them for a long time. They told me that it’s just fine to show up after all, G-dragon is going to give me the time and the space that I’m asking for. I don’t trust myself though, I might melt once I see him and maybe next thing I know it, Isabella and I are on the plane to Korea already.

“SIS!” Daryl shouted and peeked in through the nursery room.

“Isabella’s sleeping….Low down your volume” I said softly and she excitedly came near the crib and stared at my daughter.

This is a normal scene already, people who are coming in this room sees me but their eyes are just fixed with Isabella and they will just stare at her for a long time.

“Sis…don’t melt my daughter” I joked and she took a sit in front of me.

“Have you fed her already?” she asked while holding Isabella’s hand.

“Yes…and it’s still the same painful thing…my s are too sore” I said and she giggled.

“Welcome to motherhood sis! I’ve read something about that on the internet…it says there that whenever you’re feeding…you’re s get a little out of shape  or it may sag or something like that” she said and I looked at her in disbelief.

“Sag?! How is that possible? It’s as hard as rock as of this moment and I’m really leaking” I said while pointing at the white spot on my shirt.

“You’re really like a cow being milked…it’s just that you’re automatic” she joked and I laughed.

“I swear! How will I show up in front of the boys with leaking s? I’m still bleeding down there and it’s really uncomfortable plus…I’m still in the middle of my post pregnancy thingy” I said and she laughed.

“Sis! No one will look at your leaking s except for Jiyong…just wear something appropriate for a leaking thing like that” she said and I shook my head.

“I’m not that good about later…plus…I can’t leave Isabella” I said and she stared at me.

“Your mum and dad will be taking care of her…and it’s not like you’re going to be gone forever! Or if you want…we can just invite the boys here” she said and I shook my head so many times as a sign of protest.

“NO!” I said and she laughed.

“Is this part of your post pregnancy depression? You’re so sensitive…you cannot take a joke” she said and I stick my tongue out at her.

Yes, I’m in the middle of a post pregnancy depression and this meeting with Big Bang is not helping at all. I don’t know how to pull it off. It’s been months since we last saw each other and I’m sure one way or another the boys are thinking that I’m stupid for leaving their lovable leader in the dark.

“Is Railey still working?” I asked while Daryl is holding Isabella in her arms.

“She’s so busy…but she’s going to be here in an hour” she answered while leaving soft kisses on my daughter’s forehead.

Well maybe you’re wondering why Daryl is here fooling around with us while Railey is working her off. The thing is, Daryl is the newest senior editor of YG RUNWAY, yes, she’s the one who took my position when I decided to leave. She’s not that busy since she’s got her staff moving for her and Railey is also a boss as she is the creative director of the magazine now, but her job is a bit detailed and needs a lot of supervising that’s why she’s much busier than Daryl.

“Tell me…how did you and Jiyong made this baby? I mean…she looks so perfect…there’s no ugly feature” Daryl said randomly in between cooing Isabella.

“I don’t know…look at her closely…she’s got Jiyong’s everything!” I told her and she laughed.

“The swag is totally there…and this baby is already wearing a high end fashion brand…gosh!” she said and I laughed.

I guess mothers really feel so proud whenever people compliment their kids. The truth is, my mum always tell me that she’s seeing more of G-dragon than me whenever she looks at our daughter, it somewhat makes me wanna sulk but I can’t do anything about it right? The Kwon blood is dominating her system and I’m all good with that.

“Did I tell you that Jiyong have a picture of Isabella?” Daryl said and I looked at her in surprise.

“What? How is that even possible?” I asked.

“Well…Youngbae saw my phone’s wallpaper on the day that Isabella was born…he showed it to the boys and I’m telling you…it is so freaky and unbelievable but I think Jiyong can feel something about Isabella through that picture” she answered.

“Huh? I don’t get it” I said.

“He’s always staring at it…and his smile is always showing up whenever he sees her picture…he even said that he’s seeing himself through Isabella” she said and I smiled because of his cuteness.

Is that even possible? He can feel that they’re blood related even if it’s just a picture? Oh gosh! What will I do if he asks me something about babies?

“Isabella! Aunt Railey is here!” Railey shouted with a lot of bags on her hands.

“Good thing she’s awake” Daryl said and handed Isabella to Railey.

“What are those?” I asked while pointing at the bags.

“You’ll never believe it…but those are from Jiyong” she said and I looked at her in surprise.

Why would he buy me things? I mean, there’s no occasion and if these are for me, I’m sure he will just give it later personally.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Not for you…but for Daryl’s niece” she answered and I looked at Daryl and she too has the same shocked expression like mine.

“What’s happening? Mind explaining things to me?” I asked while looking at her.

“Well…when they asked me who the baby in that picture was…I told them that it’s my cousin’s daughter and she’s living here in New York as well…and Jiyong asked me when will I meet that cousin of mine again and then I told him that I’m going to see the baby today” she explained and I sighed.

Gosh! Why do I have a feeling that G-dragon knows about Isabella already? And this is not so normal of him to give gifts to a stranger’s baby.

“Sis…he doesn