“HOOH! OK…well, I’ve been through a lot…and I don’t even know where to start” I said and laughed while his face is so serious.

“Tell it randomly? I think it’s the easiest way” he suggested and I looked at him while I’m thinking.

“OK…3 years ago was the hardest point of my life…well, it almost took away my life. I’m an over achiever…I try so hard to get whatever I want to…and in the end I will have it…but I guess, life is really a game…we have to play it even though we know that there will be times that we will lose” I said.

“Then?” he said when I stopped.

“uhmm…fine…there was this guy…he’s a really close friend of mine…we treat each other like siblings and often mistaken as lovers…we were together all the time and whatever we do were always in it together… I became so attached to him that whenever he’s not around, I always feel like I lost another half of me…I expected a lot from him and I thought, our relationship will step up a notch but that didn’t happened” I continued and I started to cry.

“Here” he handed me his handkerchief and waited for me to calm myself down.

“One day…I saw him with another girl in school…it hurts me a lot that I started ignoring him and hiding from him…whenever he calls me, I don’t pick up...we ended up like strangers…it went on from weeks to months…until one day….my mum came running to my room and she’s all frantic….then…she told me that, that guy friend of mine met an accident and he was in a coma” I said and I started crying once again.

“For weeks, I’ve been visiting him in the hospital…cleaning him, reading a book to him, telling him stories about what happened to me during the day…in short…he’s been a living diary to me…I realized that..the reason why I ran away from him and ignored him when I saw that he’s with some girl is because…I love him so much but I just keep on denying it…I tried convincing myself to tell him everything but I guess..I just want us to be friends for I am afraid to get hurt…but the day that I fear most came…the day that I was announced to be in the running as a suma cumlaude on graduation..it was the same day that he died… that guys mum gave me a letter, and it was from him…that letter changed my whole life…it was his confession letter…it says there that he loves me so much that he is just afraid of telling me because he knows that I’m not ready for any relationship…and I have things that I want to achieve and being in a relationship is my last priority…the reason why he went out with other girls is because he just wants to try if he can love someone and maybe forget his feelings for me…but he can’t and the day that he was about to give that letter to me…was the day that he met the accident..I was so sad and mad at myself because if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have an accident…if I only told him my feelings…that I love him and I’m ready to be in a relationship with him it would’ve been easy…I blamed myself for his death that I built a whole new world for myself…I locked myself up in my room and cry myself to sleep…I got sick of going to class and failed a lot of subjects…in the end…I graduated without being a suma cumlaude…my life has been so closed to people…I don’t want to talk to my friends because I lost my interest in them…I’ll only go out of my room to eat and whenever I feel like it” I stopped because I feel like I’ve said enough.

“Is that the reason why you don’t want to go to hospitals anymore?” he asked when I stopped talking.

“Yes… I promised myself that I won’t ever go back to that white building again…and I start to hate doctors because they weren’t able to save him” I explained  and he hold my hand.

“I’m sorry…I should’ve not asked you about it…look at you now you’re crying” he comforted me and I smiled at him.

“Actually, I feel relieved…I don’t know why…but I feel so comfortable telling you all of it…and..Mister Kwon..that doesn’t happen all the time” I told him and patted his shoulder.

“Thank you for trusting me…it means a lot to” he said warmly as he tighten his grip on my hand.

“AH! There’s this one secret that I promised myself…I won’t even tell to anyone…but since your involved in it…I’ll tell it” I said and he eyed me curiously.

“What is that?” he asked and we faced each other again.

“Did you know that Big Bang’s music brought me to life once again?...I know this is all funny and weird..but yeah…it’s true” I confessed and he laughed.

“What?...are you being serious?” he asked and I nod.

“Of course!” I said and hit his arm.

“OK…tell it all…don’t leave anything” he said as if threatening me.

“Fine!...well, it started with TOP’s solo performance in one of your concerts…then I got so into Big Bang that I watched every music video and stuffs” I said and stopped when he started laughing so hard that he nearly fell to the ground.

“Sorry…go on” he said and signaled me to talk.

“then…I saw the Haru Haru MV…I fel